


i would lie and say that you're not on my mind

by fantasize



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confusion, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to friends to lovers to strangers to friends to lovers, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Pining, Post-Canon, bc i genuinely do like both paxton and ben, but i just dont think dexton would work out, devi reflecting on her grief, i tried not to make either of the boys seem like 'bad guys' if you know what i mean, lots of, slowburn, tell me why i kinda ship both dexton and benvi tho, there are many cute benvi scenes here i promise, there is dexton but benvi endgame, there is no cheating in this fic i am not about that, this wasn't orignally supposed to be this long, yes devi does get mad easily that's just canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 36,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasize/pseuds/fantasize
Summary: Now that she thinks about it, she remembers the ridiculous amount of times she’d compared her time with Paxton with her time with Ben, even when she first started dating him. Whenever her and Paxton would be doing anything even remotely similar to something she’d done with Ben, her mind would throw past memories at her, hurl them at her as she tried to dodge them feverishly.She’s spent the past two years trying to push those thoughts to the back of her head, ignoring them and letting them conglomerate until it eats up her entire brain. She knows that eventually, she will have to confront those thoughts, and that time is now. She can’t continue pretending like everything is fine, that her heart doesn’t skip a beat every time Ben smiles at her, that she doesn’t think about him whenever she closes her eyes, that she doesn’t feel a thrill in her body every time he touches her, and that she doesn’t enjoy spending time with him, or bickering with him.[in simpler words: after a one week fling with ben in sophomore year, devi chose to date paxton. now in senior year, she's starting to realize that what she thinks she wants isn't what she actually desires]
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 58
Kudos: 106





	1. if you ask me how i'm doing, i would say i'm doing just fine

**Author's Note:**

> "i don't think i'll write any more ben and devi," i said. 
> 
> "i don't think i'll ever be able to write something above 8 thousand words," i said.
> 
> what did i do with my time since the school year ended? i wrote a 30k ben and devi slowburn fic. thirty fucking thousand words i wish i was kidding my god... anyways, i decided to publish this into three chapters, and that i'd post the first one today, second one day after tomorrow, and the third one two days after. basically ill update this every other day even tho i already have the whole thing written haha. because i think reading a 30k oneshot and then losing ur tab and having to scroll all the way down to find where you left off would be hell (speaking from experience... it was pain). although if u r into that kind of thing, once all three chapters r posted you can just hit the 'entire work' button :D
> 
> anyways, im not even half as talented as all these benvi writers on here (fr... i also learn so much when i read their fics... things about space and bio and shit. wow) but i just had this idea about devi remembering her time with ben while doing similar things with paxton, and it sorta spiraled from there. i was thinking about what would happen after the malibu kiss, and bc ben and devi r so dumb and will never admit liking each other, i thought them having a one week fling just to see whether things could work out between them was something these idiots would do. but yeah... enjoy i guess :D rly sorry if this doesn't live up to ur expectations but writing this was honestly just a destresser for me so... yeah. 
> 
> if i got any fact or event wrong about the show, then im sorry! i did rewatch the entire show with my parents while writing it but i'm bound to have messed up something or another so yeah, go easy on me y'all. excuse any grammatical mistakes you see, i only edited the entire thing once and that too at 3 am in the morning lol <3 okay go ahead!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You chose Paxton,” He says, loosening his grip on her. “And that’s alright. Things have changed since then.”_
> 
> _“So you’ve moved on?” Devi asks, trying not to show the slight quiver in her voice._
> 
> _Ben takes back his hand, stuffing it into his pocket. “Yeah,” He answers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls the rest of the chapters are much more happy than the first don't get too sad

A year and a half has passed since Devi and Ben broke up. 

Well, it wasn’t exactly a  _ breakup.  _ To be fair, Devi and Ben hadn’t ever really… officially  _ dated _ , per-say. A one week fling doesn’t really count. Devi doesn’t know what to think of their past relationship, other than considering it the ugly result of a spur of emotions and not being able to adjust to the fact that they didn’t hate each other as much as they thought they did. And so Devi never likes thinking about it (because it makes her feel confused and unsure, although the reason for that is unknown).

It all started in sophomore year, when Ben drove Devi to Malibu. At the time, Devi felt alone, as if no one else was listening to her. So when she finally sat down in Ben’s car and stared at his ~~adorable~~ sleeping face, a feeling of gratefulness overwhelmed her body. She finally soaked in the fact that Ben Gross had helped her immensely. He’d given her a home when she needed one, he comforted her in nights when she felt alone. He played games with her and spent time with her after school, he bickered with her over homework answers...

He had done all these amazing things for Devi without wanting anything in return. Someone who was supposed to be her nemesis had paid attention to her and worried for her more than anyone else, and it was absurd. 

Devi especially hated the warm feeling that crawled up her body when he awoke, rubbing his eyes and asking her whether he was drooling with an adorable expression on his face. She ended up succumbing to the weird feeling encapsulating her soul and, without thinking, leaned in and kissed him. What she didn’t expect was for him to reciprocate with a second, longer and deeper kiss, as if he had been waiting months to do so. 

But Devi was Devi- unsure, afraid, and panicky- so in classic Devi fashion, she ignored him for the next week. It was a little hard to suppress the urge to banter with him in class, and it hurt whenever her shoulder would brush against his in the hallways. She couldn’t even talk to him at the lockers, and Ben made no move either.

Unfortunately, Devi couldn’t move on from this one. She couldn’t consider this a blip in her life that would be wiped from both of their memories, because exactly a week after the kiss in Malibu, Ben Gross showed up at her doorstep  _ completely  _ uninvited. 

Devi leaned against the doorway, keeping her arms close to her side. 

“What are you doing he-” 

Suddenly, he took a step closer towards her and brought his hand up to her face, running his thumb over her cheek. Her breath hitched, and her heart raced, partly because she was worried about her Mom coming home from work anytime now, and also because Ben’s touch was a little exhilarating (but she’ll never admit the latter).

“I can’t keep doing this anymore.” He whispered, and without giving Devi anytime to respond, he covered her lips with his. Devi was ashamed of the fact that she excitedly responded, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him in closer. 

After a minute, Devi pulled away, eyes widening. “My Mom’s gonna be here any second! Go. Home!” She hissed, pulling Ben’s hand away from where it was on her cheek. 

He sighed, crossing his arms. She tried not to focus on the slight swell of his lips (it was crazy that  _ her  _ lips had done that to him), as he spoke. “Can we at least talk about the kiss in Malibu? And, well, the kiss that happened right now.” 

Devi groaned, gripping the door, threatening to close it on him any second. “What is there to say? That I impulsively kissed you and you impulsively responded back? That we’re supposed to be frenemies yet we’re doing…” She motioned to the space between them with her hand. “Whatever the hell we’re doing?”

“Can’t we at least try? To do whatever this is? I mean, I broke up with Shira the night of the party at my house. And it was because I tried to kiss you. It felt wrong to date Shira after that.”

Devi blushed at Ben’s sudden confession, nervously fiddling with her thumbs. “So you’re saying you… actually like me? Like that?” 

Ben shook his head, frustratedly running a hand through his hair. “No, I… well it’s clear I don’t mind  _ kissing  _ you! And I don’t know if that means if I’d be ready to date you, or if I even like you in that way, but that’s the thing. It’s confusing for the both of us, right? So what if we try something? For like, a week? And then after, if you wanna break up, or if I want to break up-”

“If anything,  _ I’ll  _ dump your ass, Gross.” Devi interrupted, beaming confidently. 

Ben rolled his eyes, but he relaxed after hearing Devi’s quip, since it meant she most likely didn’t hate the idea of whatever he was proposing. “Okay, whatever. But you get what I mean right?”

Devi nodded slowly, ignoring the alarms in her head that were blaring red, warning her that this was a terrible idea. “Sure. But only for a week.”

Somehow, even with the way her stomach did a back-flip at Ben’s smirk, she never really thought about it being a bad idea. I mean, for a week they would do boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, and would figure out whether they really did want to date. If it wasn’t working for the both of them, they would just go back to normal. Easy, right?

Devi learnt the hard way that it wasn’t.

A week passed by of Devi and Ben constantly shooting each other glances during school while smirking slightly, and bantering with each other in class but with a different…  _ feel.  _ In fact, even Fabiola and Eleanor noticed, but she brushed it off with a,  _ “Oh, we’re friends now.” _ which shut them up pretty effectively. 

After school, they would go to either one’s house, (usually Ben’s, because it was risky to do anything with her Mom around), under the excuse of a ‘huge History project’ that would take ‘the entire week to finish’. Devi was lucky her Mom liked Ben, and that it wasn’t like how it was with Paxton. Speaking of the jock, he had been away for the entire week, but Devi didn’t have enough time to pay attention to it. Plus, he didn’t want to talk to her before that anyways. Her chance with him was gone, which made it a lot easier to focus on her temporary boyfriend.

At Ben’s house, they’d usually do homework together, and then watch TV while cuddling on the couch. The skinship wasn’t something that came naturally to either of them, and it would often take several minutes for them to even hold each other because it felt so…  _ weird  _ for them to do _.  _ But for some odd reason, when they were finally comfortable in each other’s arms, Devi thought it felt  _ right.  _

Occasionally, they would kiss, but it didn’t ever go farther than that. It was much more entertaining to argue over the plot-line of Riverdale and which character got the stupidest lines, and it was even more amusing to challenge each other’s theories about well fleshed out movies, like Parasite or The Harry Potter series. 

It sucked to admit, but Devi really liked being Ben’s girlfriend, and judging by the way she noticed him looking at her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking, and the way he was always eager to drive her to his house in his Porsche Cayenne at the end of school, she assumed he was liking being her temporary boyfriend too.

But making the right decision was never easy for Devi Vishwakumar, because exactly on the last day of their one week pact, Paxton showed up to school, and walked right up to  _ her. _ Out of all people… her.

“Devi? How are you?” He asked, gripping his bag over his shoulder. Devi didn’t know how to feel, now that her longtime crush was standing in front of her and looking as attractive as he usually was.

She felt her voice become caught in her throat as she tried to answer him. “I’m doing good… uh, you?”

Paxton smiled, looking down at his shoes. “I’m good. Uh, look, I don’t know if you got my voicemail, like, a week ago? But I’m gonna assume you didn’t, so, you wanna hang out today after school? Like, have a date and shit?”

Devi felt all the air in her body escape, as she tried to process what was happening. Paxton Hall-Yoshida had just asked her out on a date! She awkwardly stared around at their surroundings, noticing all the students eagerly eavesdropping on their conversation. From the corner of her eye, she spotted a blue-eyed boy, and her heart twinged. 

_ Ben.  _ She’d forgotten about their pact. It was the last day, the day where they would make the decision whether to continue with a relationship or not. 

With a heavy heart, and a weirdly unenthusiastic feeling at the back of her mind, she nodded. “Sure…” She answered shakily, smiling. Paxton grinned widely, and the rest of the hallway cheered, some murmuring about how shocked they were that a nerd could bag a jock, but all Devi could see in her peripheral was Ben. He wasn’t cheering, but he didn’t look heartbroken either. He just had a blank, empty expression on his face, and for some reason, that hurt Devi even more. 

Later that day during Biology class, the teacher decided to pair people up, and it was just in Devi’s luck that she would be paired with Ben. She trudged up to his desk, dragging her backpack along the floor. She plopped down on the chair, avoiding looking at the boy sitting next to her. 

“So, let’s make this clear,” He said, and Devi gulped, still not making eye contact. What was he going to say? That they would never be friends again? That he hated her even more than he did before?

“It should be clear that I, the  _ genius  _ out of us two, gets to make the model of the plant cell, and your responsibility is the model of the animal cell.”

_ Huh?  _ Devi looked up, finally locking her sorrowful eyes with his. “W-what?”

Ben sighed, resting his weight on his forearms, which were propped up on the desk. “I know, I know. The plant cell is the bigger cell, and you probably want to do it because the one who does more work will get a higher mark. Which is  _ exactly why  _ I chose to do it! It’ll be killer for my final average.”

Devi struggled to respond, flabbergasted at the way he was talking to her with  _ ease,  _ as if everything was the same again. “Ben, I… are we not gonna talk about… the…”

Ben sighed, forcing a smile. “Devi. I made it clear that this one week was just to test the waters, to see how we’d work together. And then we could break up if we didn’t think it was right.” For a second, his smile faltered, and Devi could sense he was hiding something. 

“Paxton asked you out today, and you said yes. So, that means you dumped me. That’s the end of that. In fact,” He breathed in, struggling to make eye contact. “I’m really happy for you. It’s all you wanted, right? Paxton dating you?”

Devi froze, mouth slightly open. Her eyes trailed down to his hands, those same hands that caressed her merely twenty four hours ago. Then they traveled to his lips, the soft texture and feel of them ingrained in her mind. She has the map of his mouth memorized, (as weird as that sounds), and the thought of  _ not  _ going home to Ben’s or meeting up with him at her own house after school made her uneasy. The thought of not bickering with him and doing homework together upset her.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks,” She muttered, and watched him go back to scribbling something on his notebook in front of him. “But why are you so cool about this?”

Ben paused, playing with the pencil in his hand. “Why not? We agreed to just go back to normal if it didn’t work, right?” He said, in such a matter-of-fact way that it almost pissed Devi off, the way he seemed unaffected about it. Although, wouldn’t that be best for her? Did she really want him to be mad at her, or to chase her around? Wasn’t Paxton all she wanted?

“Yeah, but… I don’t know if it was a mutual decision. I mean, are you fine with it?”

Ben cleared his throat, starting to write over his notes, tracing the letters in deeper. “Yes, David.” He replied, but it seemed strangely strained. Devi couldn’t help but feel a little confused. Had she read all the signs wrong? Did he not enjoy being her boyfriend? And why did that bother her so much? “So you were going to break up with me anyways? Even if Paxton didn’t ask me out?”

The pencil slipped out of his hand, and he turned his head to glance at her, his blue eyes seeming darker than usual. “Yes, Devi. Now can we talk about our project?” 

Devi noticed the change of atmosphere, and not wanting to argue with Ben about their pact and risk revealing what they’d been doing for the past week in front of their whole class, she heeded his request. 

After that, Ben and Devi had gone to normal, but the more Devi and Paxton spent time with each other, the more she found herself drifting away from Ben. In junior year, the only times they would ever talk to each other was in class, arguing and bickering over a lesson, but even that didn’t feel the same anymore. Their teachers caught onto the unfamiliar tension between them, and decided not to pair them up for projects anymore. They barely had any classes together by second semester in junior year.

She secretly hoped that Ben was dating someone else, so she could stop feeling so guilty whenever she saw him alone at his locker, but she wasn’t in a position to ask anymore. The thing is, she really did love Paxton, and the fact that she was dating him, but sometimes she couldn’t shake off the urge to catch up with Ben whenever she saw him. She tried to convince herself many times that Ben shouldn’t matter to her, because she was dating the guy of her dreams, but it never seemed to work. 

Now in senior year, Devi is starting to realize that dating Paxton isn’t all that easy.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“Babe, did you see me down that taco in one bite?”

Devi smiles, taking a sip from her cup of water. “Yeah! That was sick.” She responds, laughing. She pauses for a moment, trailing her finger along the rim of the cup, pondering whether to say something or not. 

“Why didn’t you come to my swim competition?” She blurts out, and the words escape her lips before she can take them back.

Paxton’s smile drops, and his eyes cloud with guilt. “I’m sorry, Devi. I wish I could have made it, but Trent needed me for something. Plus, college has been taking up a lot of my time…”

Since Paxton’s a year older than her, he’d already graduated (with the help of Devi and some mysterious tutor) the year Devi became a senior. Currently, Devi is 17 and Paxton is 18, so she's busy trying to study for her finals and Paxton's busy getting used to college. 

“No, it’s not a big deal, but,” Devi tries to pretend that she isn’t simmering with rage, because for some reason, she feels obligated to hide her real feelings in front of her own boyfriend, even though she tells herself to stop doing that. “It was the first swim competition I participated in since my Dad passed away. It was really important for me, and I wanted someone I love a lot to be there. To watch me.”

Paxton frowns, reaching his hand out across the table, and Devi slips her hand into his. “I’m sorry babe. I promise I’ll make it up to you soon, especially for winning first place. I wasn’t even that good when I was on the swim team.”

She nods, smiling when he kisses her on her forehead, but all she can think about is who  _ was  _ there. The memory of seeing a familiar build standing at the viewing deck is still clear as day to her. While trying to search for Paxton, she'd locked eyes with the bluest orbs she’d ever seen in the universe, right before she jumped into the water.

Ben Gross had shown up. But whether he showed up for her (2% likely) or for some other reason (98% likely) was unknown to Devi. By the time she had finished swimming, and won first place, he was gone. The thought lingers in her mind even now as Paxton is kissing her, because the fact that he showed up rings constantly in her head like a massive headache.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

  
  


“Devi, can you pass me the fries?” 

Paxton throws his arm over her shoulder, extending his hand out. Devi chuckles and pours some fries into his palm, and he beams at her, placing a kiss on her cheek. He brings his attention back to the movie playing in front of them, and Devi watches the scene intently, analyzing it carefully.

“Pax,” She says, while munching on a fry. She takes the remote control and pauses the movie at a certain freeze frame. “Notice how Finnick and Snow react to the way Katniss holds Peeta.” She says, eyes lighting up. Paxton raises his eyebrows, confusedly. 

“Look. Katniss clutches onto Peeta tightly, and it’s genuine. Anyone can see it. Up till now, they’ve been faking their relationship for the cameras, so that they can keep their loved ones and themselves alive. And it’s obvious that Peeta has always loved her, but Katniss doesn’t. Or at least she  _ thinks _ so, because when Peeta hits the force-field, she realizes how much she wants him alive. But here’s the important part…”

Paxton looks uninterested, but Devi ignores it, continuing her rant. “Both Finnick and Snow realize that Katniss really does love Peeta, even if she doesn’t know it. Before this, it was only these two that knew they were bullshitting people with the fake romance story, but in this moment, both of them realize that she loves him. In the case of Finnick, this is important because he later tells her in the bunkers that she loves him, which helps her come to terms with it, but in the case of Snow, it’s dangerous. It’s when he realizes he can use Peeta as a weapon against her, which he does end up doing when he hijacks him with the tracker jacker venom. To sum up Snow’s plans with a famous quote,”

Devi takes in a deep breath to finish her rant, but pauses when she sees Paxton glaring at her. "...its the ones we love the most that destroy us.” She concludes, with a pained tone. “What?” She asks, a little shakily.

Paxton groans. “Devi, you always do this. I don’t really care about these theories and stuff. Just watch the  _ movie. _ This is the tenth time you've torn a scene apart while I'm just trying to watch the movie. What’s the point of analyzing every single fucking detail??” 

Devi ignores the burning feeling of shame in the pit of her stomach, and she sinks into herself so that his arm can slide off of her shoulder. “Because it’s fun?” She replies quietly. Paxton rolls his eyes, pressing the play button again. “No it’s not, babe. It’s unnecessary. Plus, I don’t even know what you’re saying half the time.”

Devi closes her eyes momentarily, trying to hold in her anger. Up till now, Devi hasn’t ever really snapped at Paxton to avoid fighting with him, because she doesn’t want to risk losing him. But today is one out of many times he hasn’t bothered to even attempt to listen to her rant nerdily about something she’s passionate about. She can’t help but remember...

_ “-and so that’s why I believe Hermoine fits better with Ron. It makes sense. You see the metaphor it plays off? I think it’s incredibly smart. And- why are you looking at me like that?” _

_ “I love it when you talk about something you love.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Your eyes light up, and you beam. A bonus is that whatever you’re saying is interesting to me. Also, you’re sexy when you’re smart.” _

_ “So I’m sexy to you always?” _

_ “Sure.” _

Devi tries to push the past conversation to the back of her mind. It doesn’t feel right to compare her short time with  _ him  _ to her damn boyfriend.

“I wasn’t speaking in a different language or anything... at least try to listen?”

At Paxton’s silence, Devi sighs, and puts her hand on his shoulder. “Okay, fine. Then why don’t we watch some dumb show together and laugh at how dumb it is? Like Riverdale. There’s no opportunity for me to theorize anything about that show. It has no substance.”

Paxton groans for the second time this hour, pulling away from Devi. “Riverdale??”

“What? You wanna watch a dumb show? Let’s watch Riverdale! Try watching one episode, and if you truly hate it then I won't force you to watch anymore. I’ve already asked you so many times about whether you would watch it with me but-”

“NO! We’re not watching Riverdale!” Paxton exclaims, and the sudden loud volume of his voice makes Devi feel uneasy. 

“-you always say no...” She finishes her sentence under her breath, and gets off his couch. She knows she can easily match the volume of his voice with hers, but she doesn’t feel comfortable going full Devi on Paxton. 

_ “God, David, this show is so stupid.” _

_ “I know right? That’s why it’s my guilty pleasure.” _

_ “Why does this show shift to musicals every season? You think they’d stop by now!” _

_ “People watch it and give it high viewer ratings. That’s why.” _

_ “Why would people do that?!” _

_ “What do you think we're doing right now?” _

_ “I- you’re right. But I’m only watching Riverdale for you. You realize that, right?” _

_ “C’mon. Isn’t it fun to watch something as dumb as this? Plus, it’s more fun when you watch it with someone who doesn’t actually think it’s good… Kamala actually likes Riverdale now. It’s scary.” _

_ “And who’s fault is it for making her watch it in the first place?” _

_ “Shut up, Gross.” _

“We can’t always watch what you want to, Devi.”

“But I always have to adhere to your interests, right? I always have to watch what you want to, right?” Devi retorts back, for the first time ever. “What?” Paxton asks, looking slightly offended. 

“I’m leaving. Goodnight, Paxton.” She mutters, while grabbing her jacket.

She can hear Paxton trying to apologize and convince her to stay, but she walks out of the door before he can have the chance.

The walk home is uncomfortable, and extremely cold. Rain patters onto her thin jacket, and she silently curses at herself for not checking the weather forecast before leaving her house. Part of her hopes that Paxton will come in his car and pick her up, but she knows him too well. His pride would get in the way of anything, and him coming to pick her up would mean he’d put his ego down for once. 

Paxton isn’t a bad person. Not at all. He’s never hurt Devi, or at least intentionally. They are just too different, and Devi doesn’t like the fact that Paxton has to talk to Rebecca everytime he can’t tuck his pride away. For god’s sake, it was Rebecca that made Paxton ask her out in the first place, and she’s well aware. 

Devi can understand him acting this way if she’s herself in front of him. If she gets pissed at every little thing, and lets her fuse blow. But she makes sure to never get mad at Paxton because she doesn't want him seeing that side of her directed towards him. He’s seen her get mad at others, but never him, and she always wants to keep it that way.

She’s glad he holds her warmly, that his kisses are fiery, and that his touch can make her feel good, but sometimes she wants  _ more. More,  _ meaning she wants him to understand her. To take interest in learning about her, and her interests. To at least try to listen to her, like she does for him. She’s not really interested in a lot of the things Paxton talks about, but she listens, because she likes the way he smiles when talking about those things, and realizes how happy it makes him when she listens.

So why can’t he do the same?

_ Ben wasn’t like that,  _ a part of her mind taunts.  _ He listened to you. _

“Devi?”

“Paxton?” Devi turns around, but widens her eyes at who she sees. 

Inside his Porsche Cayenne sits a more mature looking Ben, with a slight stubble showing. With his hand resting on the steering wheel comfortably, he peers through the opened car window. He laughs softly, and Devi’s heart skips a beat at how his laugh has gotten a little deeper, as well as his voice. “No, not Paxton. But I’m the closest you’ll get.”

“Ah, s-sorry about that. Uh, okay. Bye.” Devi manages to stammer out, and she continues to walk as fast as she can  _ away  _ from him. Unfortunately, it only takes a second for Ben to catch up in his car, driving at the same speed she’s walking. 

“David! What the hell are you doing out here in the rain? Alone too? It’s gonna get dark out soon.” He says, a little loudly so that she can hear him. Devi suppresses a smile at his nickname for her. It’s been so long since she’s last heard it.

“I just didn’t look at the forecast before going over to Paxton’s, okay?” She replies, gripping her jacket tighter. 

Ben clicks his tongue, shaking his head in mock disappointment. “Rookie mistake, silly girl.”

Devi rolls her eyes, sticking up her middle finger and pointing it to the boy. “Fuck off, Gross.” She spits out, and is surprised at how easily it comes out of her mouth, considering that they hadn’t really talked in, what, almost two years?

“Happy to. But before that,” Ben slams the brakes down, startling Devi who stops walking. “You need to get in.”

Devi starts to get nervous at the thought of sitting in the passenger seat of Ben’s car. The memories are already starting to rush in; but being in that exact spot where the mistake in Malibu happened is dangerous territory.

“Kidnapper much? No thanks, Gross. Just go home to your hundred kittens like the cat lady I know you are.” Devi retorts, clenching her jaw. She knows deep down that it isn’t one of her best comebacks... actually it makes no sense, but she isn’t in the best mood creative wise. Ben scoffs, and takes a deep breath. “First of all, I don’t have a single cat in my house. I’m not responsible enough to take care of one alone. Second of all, what did cat ladies do to you? Third of all-”

“Are you done talking?”

“ _ Third of all,  _ your Mom will freak and make you break up with Paxton if you come home looking like that. I can only imagine how much convincing and family dinners it took for her to let you date him. Do you really wanna break up with him over this?”

Devi freezes, a little upset at Ben's response. She’d expected something more like,  _ I don’t want you to get sick,  _ or,  _ I want you to get home safe _ , not him trying to scare her with the idea of her mom breaking her and Paxton up.

At the end of the day she figures that he’s right, so she gets in the passenger’s seat reluctantly, grumbling curse words under her breath. Ben smiles proudly, satisfied with his convincing. “I also didn’t want you to get sick, but if I told you that you would have told me to  _ suck my own dick _ or something.” He admits, while stepping on the accelerator. 

Devi smiles, realizing he’s right once again. “No, I w-wouldn't have!” She lies defensively, but a smile still lingers on her lips. “I know you well enough, Devi.” He replies, glancing at the girl who’s shivering beside him.

It’s a strange feeling for Devi, realizing that Ben knows more about her than Paxton does, and although Paxton knows her better physically, and he does know about some of her interests, he doesn’t really know  _ her _ . But maybe that’s because she's never given him a chance to get to know the real her… or maybe he's never allowed that chance.

She looks over at Ben, and notices how much calmer he looks while driving compared to sophomore year. She still remembers his shaky hands, him screaming at a driver who wasn’t using their ‘ _ freaking blinker!’,  _ and trying to not get arrested for driving with a mere permit. He looks really attractive to her right now, dressed in a blue shirt that makes his eyes pop and a black leather jacket that wasn’t very Ben-like. 

She smiles to herself, and turns to look at the window next to her. Shivering, she realizes she’s getting his seat all wet. “Are you cold?” He asks her, while turning the steering wheel.

“Just a little,” She replies, peeling off the hair sticking onto her face. “Or maybe a lot.”

Ben parks the car near her house, and then reaches back towards the backseat, trying to grab something. He eventually pulls out a grey hoodie, with a Model UN logo splayed across the front. He hands it to her, gesturing towards it with his eyes.

“Wear it on top of your shirt.”

Devi does what he asks her to do, and she tries to ignore his burning gaze on her. She sighs in content with the feeling of newfound warmth, snuggling in the hoodie even further. “Yep, it’s one of my favorite hoodies for that reason. It’s very warm. You can keep it.”

“Thanks, Ben.” Devi suddenly says, sitting up straight. Ben raises an eyebrow, leaning against the seat. “For the hoodie?”

“For everything.” She answers, because there’s too many things that she’s thankful to him for, and tonight just made the list. He smiles knowingly, nodding.

“By the way, what happened today? Why were you in the rain by yourself?”

Devi stays silent and slumps into the seat, not wanting to answer his question. However, Ben knows her far better than she’d like to admit. “Fight with Paxton?” He asks, and she hesitantly nods.

“That’s okay. It’s normal.”

_ Is it?  _ Devi thinks, but she doesn’t say anything. “You’re a lot nicer to him than everybody else. I’ve never seen you shout at him, or scream at him. Well, at least in school. You must love him a lot.” Ben says, and he has a hint of sadness in a voice, but surprisingly, no trace of jealousy. Devi locks her eyes with his, silently trying to tell him everything she’s been feeling for the last few months.

Is that why she’s so…  _ fake  _ around Paxton? Because she loves him? Or is it because she’s too scared he’ll run away or break up with her when he sees the real firecracker Devi can be, even towards the ones she loves? Ben has seen every aspect of Devi, the great and not so great ones. He’s seen her love for her family, her vulnerability, her cute side, but he’s also been the punching bag that she’s taken her anger out on, heard her insults, seen her horrible habit of deflecting everything that makes her uncomfortable. Yet even though he’s seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, here he is, sitting in a car next to her, listening to her. Giving her the time of day.

She finally comes to terms with the guilt she’s been feeling since sophomore year. What if Ben didn’t want to break up that day? What if he had just lied so she could be happy with Paxton and move on from him?

“It’s a shame we didn’t really talk ever since…” Devi struggles to finish her sentence, but judging by Ben’s sad smile, she knows he’s aware of what she’s referencing. 

“Yeah, I know right? It’s crazy how we barely had any classes together even though we took the same AP courses. We should at least use this moment to catch up on stuff, y’know? Who knows if we’ll talk to each other again.” 

Ben looks at her, hopeful, almost as if he’s praying that she won’t get out of his car right now and never look back. Devi nods, crossing her arms, deciding not to run away. “Sure, you’re right. So? How’s it going for you? Grade wise?” She asks him the question pretending like she doesn’t already know the answer, because although they both don’t talk to each other anymore, Devi’s always paying attention to the rankings, and she knows that Ben is currently beating her. 

“Uh, good. Yeah. You’ve been falling a little behind though or what? I’ve been beating you for the past week and you haven’t caught up yet… it’s a little scary.” Ben teases, with a grin on his face. “Eh, just…  _ stuff,  _ I guess.” Devi replies.

“You’re okay, right?” 

Devi feels her heart skip a beat at those three words. Although Ben’s role in her life was constantly changing, from rival to frenemy to half-boyfriend to strangers, he’d never stop asking her if she was alright. He's weirdly a constant in her life for that reason. He’s always quick to notice, and she wonders whether he pays that much attention to her on purpose, just to piss her off.

“Not really. I just… I wish Paxton would listen to me more. I wish he’d show more interest in my interests. Does he think I enjoy watching his friends chow down various fast food beverages in a set time limit? No! But I pretend like I do because it makes him happy! Does he think I’m genuinely interested in watching random famous YouTubers flex? No! I’d rather binge watch  The Office _.  _ Yet I still watch them with him. Why won’t he do the same?”

Devi glances at Ben, knowing she’s about to, in the words of Fabiola,  _ pop off _ , and that Ben probably isn’t interested in hearing it. But to Devi’s surprise, he motions for her to go on.

“I want him to shut the fuck up and listen to me rant about a movie scene for once. I want him to engage in a conversation about it. I want him to try to watch Riverdale with me at least once. I don’t want him to yell at me and tell me to shut up whenever I try to talk about something I like! And most of all,” Devi takes in a deep breath, borderline yelling at this point. “I want him to nod and say,  _ ‘Wow Devi, you’re so sexy when you’re _ smart’!  Is that too much to ask for? I want him to watch Riverdale with me and say,  _ ‘Wow, this show is entertainingly stupid' _ ! Is that a crime??”

Ben freezes, and she stiffens as well. She wants to hit herself for saying that, for bringing up things Ben once said. The boy looks away for a second, tightening his jaw. “I’m… I…” She forgets how to formulate a sentence, so she stops trying to.

“Devi, you should probably be telling _Paxton_ these things, not me. That’s the only way you’ll get him to change.” Ben says, avoiding her stare by looking at the dashboard. Devi grumbles, taking her seat belt off. “Would he listen though?”

“What the fuck is a relationship for if the two can’t even talk to one another? You’ve been dating him for what, a year now? Nearly two? And you’re scared to talk to him?” 

“I  _ can  _ talk to him. Just not about this.”

“ _ Not about this?  _ What does that even mean, Devi? He isn’t some precious glass doll. Tell him to stop doing something that bothers you. You can’t complain about him not doing something you want him to do when he doesn’t even know what he’s doing wrong? How long are you going to keep on pretending like he does nothing that pisses you off? Be open with him!”

“Why the fuck do you care?”

“Because this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship! I’m trying to give you advice.”

For some reason, Ben’s statement about her not being in a healthy relationship rubs Devi the wrong way. The idea of him doubting her decision makes her even more frustrated, because Devi knows she's sure about all her choices in her life. Right? “You’re giving me relationship advice? Really? Out of all people, you?”

“...Yes? Why not?”

“You’re the guy who had a girlfriend who only liked him for his money, showed no interest in his interests or his problems, but still dated her anyways!”

Silence.

Devi knows she’s deflecting, and that bringing up Shira is wrong in every way, but what’s said has been said. It’s too late now. Ben looks up at Devi with a hurt expression on his face, clutching the steering wheel harder than ever. She can see the veins in his neck jut out a little, and even in the dim lighting inside his car, she can tell his face is getting red.

“Shira and I are different from you and Paxton.” He mutters, and it’s all it takes for Devi’s anger to bubble up again.

“Of course we are! Paxton isn’t an insufferable excuse of a boyfriend, unlike Shira. She never even cared about you! Yet you chose to stay in that relationship, didn’t you?” 

“I broke up with her though! That’s the fucking difference!” Ben exclaims, looking angry now. 

“So you’re telling me to break up with Paxton?”

“Devi, when did I say that? I never said that!”

“You’re  _ clearly  _ insinuating it!”

Ben takes a deep breath, curling his hands into fists. Devi knows she’s acting horribly for no reason, but she doesn’t know why taking out her anger on Ben is helping her accept the fact that she’s not all that happy with Paxton. Maybe she just wants to hear him tell her to end it. Maybe that’s all she needs to make that decision.

“See, this is your fucking problem. You deflect everything, and then somehow try to turn the situation around and make it seem like _I’m_ the bad guy! I was only trying to help you.”

“Why, Ben? Why do you want to help me?”

“Because I want to see you in a happy relationship!” He yells, and the sound of thunder startles them. Devi stares at Ben sadly, his words somehow making her feel worse. She is in a happy relationship, right? Or would she have been happier with…

“Then you should have said something that day.” She says, and watches Ben as his eyes widen, part in shock and part in confusion. It takes a minute for her words to sink in, before he replies. “You didn’t let me,” He whispers, gently grabbing her arm and holding it, as if he’s afraid she’ll run away and never finish what she's trying to say.

“I would have if you told me you chose me. But I wasn’t sure…”

Devi tries to hold back the tears that she can feel forming. Her throat clogs up and she wants to sob badly, especially knowing that he really was ready to date her at the time. He continues to stare at her, but then something in his look changes. “You chose Paxton,” He says, loosening his grip on her. “And that’s alright. Things have changed since then.”

“So you’ve moved on?” Devi asks, trying not to show the slight quiver in her voice. 

Ben takes back his hand, stuffing it into his pocket. “Yeah,” He answers. “I mean, I’ve dated other girls since then. It’s not like I’m stuck on you.” For some reason, Devi feels like he might be bluffing, but she had seen him with other girls around since senior year started (and that  _ totally  _ didn’t make her jealous, I mean that’s what she wanted right? For him to move on so she could feel less guilty) and it didn’t seem so implausible.

“But if I had said no to Paxton, you would have… asked me out… officially?”

Ben turns to look at her, a regretful smile plastered on his face. “Yeah,” He leans his head against the headrest. “I would have.”

Devi bites her bottom lip, and suddenly she feels like puking. She imagines how different things would be if she and Ben had dated all this time instead of Paxton. Would they have worked out?

“But things have changed now. Right? You’re happy with Paxton, albeit some minor tussles. I’m happy with Kathy.”

Devi straightens up at the sound of a new name. “Who’s Kathy?”

“A girl in my AP Calculus class. She’s new.”

Now Devi is sure she can feel bile piling up at the back of her throat. “So you’re… dating…” 

“I guess so.”

Devi makes an  _ oh _ shape with her mouth, and lets out a huge sigh. Why does she feel so disappointed? This is all she wanted right? Plus, she’s happy with Paxton. Wait, talking like this with Ben wasn’t considered cheating right? (Although she had made out with Ben while thinking he was still with Shira… which wasn’t exactly one of her proudest moments)

“So your relationship advice was coming from you being in an actual healthy relationship… and not from you and Shira…”

Ben lets out a strained laugh. “Yeah… it feels different having a girlfriend who actually talks to you on dates, y’know? I met her while offering to tutor her. Guess it escalated from there.” Devi doesn’t really want to hear all about his happy relationship with this girl, but she figures it’s the most she can do for treating him like crap minutes ago. “Is she nice? And pretty?”

“Yeah. She’s also patient. Sometimes too patient. She never gets mad at me…”

Devi shrivels, feeling attacked. Kathy sounds like a much better girlfriend than herself. “Although I kind of miss it, in a weird way. It would be fun to argue about something like a TV show. But all of our opinions are the same. On everything.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? I wish me and Paxton were like that. We’re too different.” Devi replies honestly, scoffing. Ben shrugs. “I feel like we’re  _ too  _ similar. Y’know? Doesn’t mean I should break up with her. Just like you shouldn’t with Paxton. Maybe we just have to talk things out, I guess.”

Suddenly, Devi snorts, finding the irony of it all hilarious. The corners of Ben’s mouth lift up subconsciously while looking at Devi's smile, as he softly asks, “What?”

“It’s just… my problem is that I’m too different from my boyfriend, and your problem is that you’re too similar to your girlfriend! Like, what the fuck?” She says, giggling between every other word. “Finding the perfect balance is hard. But I imagine it’s nice when you finally do.” Ben responds.

“Argh, that would be the perfect relationship… having similarities but also having differences.” Devi says, and she sighs. Suddenly, both of them are quiet, looking into each other’s eyes. She knows that the closest she’s ever gotten to finding that perfect balance was when she was with Ben, but it’s something she doesn’t want to admit out loud. She tries to read his mind through his blue eyes, wondering if he feels the same. 

“It’s getting late,” Ben says, his honey voice cutting through the quietness. “You should go home.”

“Uh, yeah.” Devi responds, trying to mask her disappointment. “Thanks for listening to me, by the way. And sorry for getting mad at you for no reason. I was taking out my anger on you, and that was wrong of me to do. And extremely unfair to you.”

Ben grins, shaking his head. “No big deal. I’m kind of used to it. You’re forgetting this used to be our thing, remember? This is nothing compared to when you said you wished I’d get killed by Nazis in History class.”

“Oh my god, can we drop that already? I said I was sorry!” She replies while laughing, while simultaneously opening the car door. 

“Nuh-uh. Never letting that one go.” He replies, holding back a laugh as he watches Devi get out of the car. “You should try taking out that feisty anger on Paxton sometime! I’m sure he’d find it sexy or something. He’s probably weird like that.”

Devi snickers, rolling her eyes. “Nobody else has a weird kink for insults other than you, Gross. But I’ll take your advice.” She shuts the door, and starts to slowly walk backwards. Ben shoots her one last smile while waving his hand at her, before she turns around. Once she reaches her doorstep, she turns back, expecting him to have driven off already like Paxton usually did, but his car is still there, waiting for her.

“Why are you still here?” She shouts out, cupping her mouth with her hands. 

“Just wanted to make sure someone’s home to open the door for you! Plus, there’s a thunderstorm going on right now. I need to make sure you’re okay out of common courtesy!” He yells back after rolling down the window. Devi, however, can feel her heart sink at the familiarity of the situation. 

_ “You stayed…” _

_ “Yeah, I guess I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.” _

A lot of things have changed since Malibu, but she figures some things will always stay the same.

The door behind her opens, and Ben drives off before she can say anything more. 

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

The next Monday evening, Devi and Paxton are sitting in the library. She watches as he scrolls on his phone, laughing at something before quickly tapping his fingers on his keyboard. Ben’s advice still lingers in her mind, even a week after.

“Paxton. Can I talk to you about something that’s been bothering me?”

He looks up from his phone, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah. What’s up?”

Devi struggles to be honest with him while staring at his eyes. Turns out it’s much easier for her to imagine a scenario in her head rather than actually doing it in real life. “You know how I stormed off last week? We kinda pretended it never happened, and I don’t want to just brush it aside, y’know?”

Paxton nods, smirking. “So you’re apologizing?”

“What? No!” Devi exclaims, eyes widening. “I don’t have much to apologize for, Pax.”

Paxton’s eyebrows furrow, and he slowly puts down his phone. Devi starts to panic, worried about how he’s going to react. Maybe this isn’t a great idea, and Ben is dumb and gives horrible advice. “So you’re telling me I was in the wrong?” He asks her incredulously, as if the mere thought of him being in the wrong wasn’t possible.

“Yes. Yes I am,” Devi answers, as quietly as possible. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, folding her hands together and resting them on the table. “Look. I just wish you’d show more interest in  _ my  _ interests. I do the same for you, right?” 

Paxton doesn’t say anything, still staring at her blankly. “I know that we’re a little different. But at the end of the day we love each other, right? And I love you enough to listen to you talk about your interests. So why can’t you do the same for me? You love me enough to do that, right?”

Paxton folds his lips into a straight line, clenching his jaw. Devi feels hurt at the way he’s acting right now. Why was he so reluctant to answer her? “You love me, right?” Devi reiterates, well aware of the tears welling up in her eyes.

“Do you not love me?” She asks, upset and confused.

“Devi,” He mutters, finally breaking his silence. He covers her hands with his, looking at her sorrowfully. Devi can already feel something’s wrong deep inside her gut. “You’re my girlfriend. And I try to make things work with you, because you’re amazing and all. But sometimes I feel like we’re too different… like we come from different worlds. It was great the first year, but now I’m starting to think that we may be better off as...”

She can sense some uncomfortable tension between them, and her mind can almost predict what he’s about to say next. So, in fear that she’ll lose him, she tries to avert the topic. “Pax. It’s okay. I’m not mad or anything. You pay enough attention to my interests and all. I’m just overreacting like always.”

Paxton raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything further. Their uncomfortable conversation ends there, and the two continue doing whatever they were doing before. Devi curses herself for once again failing to be honest with Paxton. She knows she can’t keep on pretending like she’s okay with everything. 

From the corner of her eye, Devi can see Ben sitting at the other side of the library, laughing as he reads a book together with his girlfriend. And although it’s all she wanted- for Ben to move on- she can’t help but feel like she’s made the wrong decision yet again.


	2. but i go out and i sit down at a table set for two, and finally i'm forced to face the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Anyways, what was I talking about?”_
> 
> _“Your friends?”_
> 
> _“Oh yeah.” He stares at her brown orbs, a nostalgic glint in his eyes. “I guess I technically do have a friend from the old days. That’s if she still thinks we’re friends.”_
> 
> _Devi gulps, feeling her heartbeat pick up its pace. She knows he’s talking about her. “Yeah. I think she does.” She answers, while fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. “That’s good to know.” Ben replies, smirking._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the second chapter hehe :D this is the longest one out of all of them. a lot of things happen lol! i like to reference things that have already been brought up in previous chapters (like paxton's mysterious tutor, etc) but i tried to make it NOT confusing for anyone who's forgotten about these things from chap 1. 
> 
> there's a part in this chapter where these nerds are studying for their ap biology test, and i know nothing about 12th grade ap bio. i got those questions from practice exams off the internet lol, so if they're factually incorrect... sue me
> 
> side note: i literally cannot spell 'eleanor' to save my life so if u see inconsistencies with her name... im sorry :D
> 
> *i decided to remove any other ship tags other than ben/devi bc i dont want this fic clogging up the other's relationship tags, bc there's primarily one main ship. 
> 
> also i do not condone any paxton slander in this house! even if im benvi4lyfe, i still think paxton's a good guy. tbf we just don't know much about him :/
> 
> uhh can't think of anything else i have to say so go ahead! enjoy !! ignore any grammatical mistakes, i tried to edit it once more before publishing but i may have missed some stuff <3

Devi sits on the stairs that leads to the school’s front entrance, relishing the sound of nothing but heavy rain droplets hitting the pavement. She feels her eyes sting, as she struggles to hold back her sadness. But no matter how much she tries, her first tear breaks free, and the rest follow in an unbroken stream. It’s as if a dam has broken apart, and suddenly, Devi can’t stop sobbing, can’t stop hiccuping. 

She knows it’s a little absurd to be crying over something like this, but she can’t help it. It’s one out of the many times this has happened, and it breaks her heart exponentially the more it happens. When she texted Paxton, begging him to come and pick her up from school because she felt like her lungs were about to collapse, she expected him to drop everything and come running to her.

She got a text back, basically telling her that he was super busy with college commitments, but one look at Snap Maps told her that he was too busy partying at a frat party to be comforting her. She can’t blame him. She is a little too much to handle, and if it was any other day, it would be fine. Devi can manage on her own.

But today is the third anniversary of Mohan’s death, and it also happens to be the day she has symphony practice after school. The minute Devi had placed her hand on the harp, she knew she was about to break, so she grabbed her backpack and ran out. She knows Paxton probably forgot, because he isn't the type of person to abandon her. He cares about her, and she knows that, but she's more disappointed that he doesn't remember what today is. 

So now, Devi Vishwakumar is sitting here alone, drenched from head to toe. She's aware all her symphony band members won’t follow her outside, as they know she’s the type to prefer being left alone. Also, no one wants to be left alone with a sad Devi; only the bravest would dare to try to comfort her. But today, she _wants_ someone to comfort her, someone to take out her frustrations on. She wants her boyfriend to be by her side, but she can’t force anything onto him. Staring at her shut off phone screen, she observes the water droplets sliding down her case, and wonders whether they're her tears or the sky's. 

“David?”

_Ben._ She turns around, making eye contact with the boy, who’s walking towards her with an umbrella in his hand. He has his backpack hanging over his shoulder, and his hair is tousled. Devi notices it’s a lot longer than he usually keeps it. 

“What are you doing here?” She asks, her voice raspy and hoarse. 

“I should be asking you,” He says, while standing over her. He aims the umbrella so that it’s covering both of them, but mostly her. “Debate Club. We had a meeting after-school to settle a debate that didn’t finish during lunch. Either way, my side won, so… it was a complete waste of my time, since everyone knows I _always_ win debates.”

Devi snorts, but it comes out uglier than expected, especially since she’s just stopped sobbing. Ben takes a seat beside her, even though the bottom of his Balenciaga jeans will get soaked. He props the umbrella up between them, so that it’ll stand up straight and cover them from the rain. 

“What about you? Are you waiting for someone?”

Devi hopes that Ben can’t see her red, bloodshot eyes. She prays that the tears on her face just look like raindrops, and that Ben can’t see through her vulnerability like he did in sophomore year, because that always led to disaster.

“No, well, I was but… not anymore.”

They sit quietly, and by the way Ben hums in accordance, she can tell he knows she’s upset. “Last time we ran into each other it was raining too… stupid rain.” Devi grumbles.

“Well, I’m not complaining. I kind of like the rain. It’s like we always have deep conversations when getting soaked by Mother Nature.” Ben says, his gaze focused on the parking lot in front of him. “A great man once said, _‘Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet’._ Which one are you?”

Devi rolls her eyes. “Of course you’d quote Bob Marley out of nowhere,” She asserts lightheartedly, watching Ben as he laughs softly. “I think I’m the former.”

Ben turns his head to look at her, smiling fondly. “Me too. I’m feeling it more than ever today.”

“What happened to you?” Devi asks, and Ben awkwardly changes his position, shifting his gaze to Devi’s hands. “Nothing really. It’s just, I told Kathy about how we’re way too similar, that we agree on absolutely everything, and that this relationship isn’t really interesting because of that, and guess what?”

“What?”

“She fucking agreed! I mean, how ironic is that!”

Devi wholeheartedly laughs, surprising herself at how hard she's snickering, so hard that her ribs shake. “Oh my god! That’s too good.”

Ben chuckles too, eyes crinkling up. Devi feels like she’s been transported to that time he was in her kitchen, and they were laughing extremely hard. She can’t ever forget how happy she was in that moment, and how happy he probably was too.

“Sometimes, I purposely try to piss her off to see what it would be like to argue, but it never works. So yeah, now we’re talking things out I guess. Thinking things over. Either we make things work somehow or we break up. But the thought of breaking up isn’t really bothering me…”

“Then what is?”

“My parents. They left for some trip a month ago promising they’d come back in a week, and it’s been four weeks since then.” He laughs dryly, this one not feeling as genuine as the ones preceding. “But what did I expect? My Dad always says, _‘Bubelah, you tell us you want us home and we’ll stay’,_ but what do they expect me to say? _‘Please stay, Dad! I’m lonely and I want you to skip out on your work trip for me’_? Ugh,” He kicks a rock with his shoe, and it doesn’t land far away.

“I know I’m overreacting and shit, and I’m glad they’re alive, but… sometimes it feels like they’re not. And I’m tired of making friends with random people on the Rick and Morty subreddit because the only other person in my house is Patty. I mean, I love her, but she’s busy working a lot of the time.”

Devi sighs, not knowing how to comfort Ben. It's not new information, the fact that his parents suck at parenting… at least most of the time. “You have friends now, though. Right?”

Ben nods. “Yeah. The new kids that moved here this year saved me. John, Ravi, Julio, and Kathy. I have people I can hang out with now. But sometimes I miss the old gang, you know? People I used to know since I was a kid. Too bad Trent graduated. I’ve known that guy since kindergarten.”

“Nothing beats fifth grade when you somehow managed to _actually_ beat Trent in arm wrestling. He completely stopped talking to you after that.” Devi says, smiling at those memories. Ben groans, but he doesn’t seem bothered. “ _Please,_ I still have no idea why he did me that dirty. All I did was show him off in front of the whole class! Plus, you were the one that provoked me to cave in to the challenge he gave me. At first I told him I didn’t want to arm wrestle with him, until you kept on teasing me about how weak I was. So really, it was _your_ fault Trent stopped talking to me.”

Devi gasps in fake offense, placing a hand on her chest. “Excuse me? I was only trying to give you a little push, because I knew you had the potential to win. And I ended up being right!”

“Right, you totally thought that a scrawny little nerd like me could defeat one of the best basketball players in the grade. You just wanted to see me embarrass myself! Admit it.”

“No shame in being scrawny!”

“Hey, I’m not that scrawny anymore. I’m jacked.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure Gross.” Devi then impulsively grabs Ben’s arm, feeling his triceps. _Oh shit._ Ben Gross really was jacked. He looks at her with eyes slightly widened, not expecting the sudden touch. She pulls away quickly, laughing nervously. “Uh… sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Ben replies, with an awkward grin on his face. “Anyways, what was I talking about?”

“Your friends?”

“Oh yeah.” He stares at her brown orbs, a nostalgic glint in his eyes. “I guess I technically do have a friend from the old days. That’s if she still thinks we’re friends.”

Devi gulps, feeling her heartbeat pick up its pace. She knows he’s talking about her. “Yeah. I think she does.” She replies, while fiddling with a bracelet on her wrist. “That’s good to know.” Ben replies, smirking.

The two sit in silence for a few more minutes, watching the rain land on the pavement rhythmically. Devi doesn’t know why, but she impulsively leans her head onto Ben’s shoulder, closing her eyes shut. Ben doesn’t push her off, and instead wraps an arm around her back. “Today’s that day, right?” He asks, and Devi nods, surprised that he remembers. 

“You can continue to cry. You didn’t have to stop when you saw me.”

Of course Ben knows she was crying. She begins to question how long he’d been watching her ugly sob, and her face heats up in embarrassment. Devi looks up at Ben, their faces alarmingly close together. Looking at his eyes this close up reminds her of when she'd seen them before diving into the cold water of the school's pool. _Oh!_ She’d almost forgotten about the swim competition.

“You came to my swim competition. Why? Is Kathy in another swim team I don’t know about?”'

Ben doesn’t look down, but instead tightens his grip on her as he shakes his head. “I just heard through the grapevine that a brave girl was going to be swimming again after a long time. So of course I had to come.” He softly smiles as he adds on, “Rumor has it that she did really good. Got first place!” 

Devi moves her head back onto his shoulder, smiling to herself. “Really? That’s cool. Should’ve been there to see it.” She jokes, and can feel the vibration of his laugh. Truth is, Devi doesn’t know what to do with the confirmation that Ben had in fact shown up to her swim competition, and for _her._ Even though they weren’t talking anymore, he’d wanted to see her succeed.

“Your symphony practice might end soon. We should probably leave before they trample us. You have a ride home?” 

Devi shakes her head, pulling away from Ben. She grabs her backpack and makes sure she has her phone in her hand. “Nope.” She answers, as she watches Ben stand up. He holds his umbrella with one hand, and sticks his other one out towards her.

“I can drive you home for a small fee of $20.” 

Devi rolls her eyes, and slips her hand into his. He tightens his hold as he pulls her off the ground, and she has to admit that the feeling of her hand in his is too much emotional turmoil for her to handle. 

“Ben, I’m Indian. I can easily bargain with you and bring the fee down to $0.”

She realizes they’re still holding hands, so she slips hers out of his hold. Ben takes his hand back, holding it close to him. “Well, I’m Jewish, so you have tough competition. Why don’t we argue about it on the way to my car? In classic Ben and Devi fashion.” He asks teasingly, shooting finger guns at her. She walks closer to him so she can fit under his umbrella, and glances at his pretty blue eyes. She couldn’t reject such a wonderful offer.

“I think that sounds like a good idea.”

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

Devi fiddles with her plastic water bottle, while tapping her feet against the bottom of the wooden bench. Paxton sits across her, munching on an apple. 

“I’m so glad we decided to have a date at the park. I mean, soon Autumn will end, and we won’t be able to go outside for months.” Devi says. She looks up at Paxton, who’s now looking at something on his phone. 

“I agree. It’s nice outside.”

Devi forces a smile, nodding. “What are you looking at?”

Paxton looks up from the screen, shrugging. “Oh, just some pics that my college friends posted.” 

“Can I see?”

He pauses, and smiles wryly, seeming unenthusiastic about the idea. “Eh… sure.” He hands the phone to Devi. 

She doesn’t know what she expected his friends to look like, but the pictures she sees makes her feel out of place. The boys are all muscular, and some of them are shirtless, holding bottles of alcohol in their hand. The girls pose in tank tops and shorts, and they’re pressed close to the guys. They all seem… popular. And it reminds her of the fact that Paxton is also like them. _Popular._

“They seem really cool,” She says, trying to seem happy. Devi is normally confident. She knows she’s very pretty, and that she has a rocking personality, but her stomach churns at how gorgeous the girls are. She expects to feel jealousy, to feel scared that one of them will take Paxton away from her, but instead, she just feels insecure. 

“Can I meet them sometime? They seem cool.”

Paxton makes a weird noise, and then thins his lips into a straight line. “Sure, yeah.” He says, sighing, but Devi catches onto his body language. “Why does it seem like you don’t want me to meet them?” She questions, raising an eyebrow.

“What? No! Of course I want you guys to meet. It’s just, y’know, college is taking up a lot of _time_ and, yeah, they’re just busy.” He explains, but Devi can tell he’s hiding something, judging by the way he’s stammering. 

“Oh. Well, maybe you can take me with you to one of those frat parties.” She suggests, and Paxton sighs once again. “I’d love to, but things would be kind of... awkward?” He says, and he struggles to make eye contact with her.

“Why?” Devi asks, and her cheeks burn up. Suddenly, it’s sophomore year all over again, when Paxton was hesitant to date Devi because she was less popular. Did he care about her social status that much? Is she just his little secret? Dating Paxton had boosted her popularity a lot more, but is it back to square one now that he's in college? Is the cycle going to start all over again?

“There’s usually a lot of alcohol and drugs at these parties, and I don’t think you’d be into that thing.”

“That’s not really a problem. I can just say, _‘no thanks, I’m good’._ ”

“Devi,” He murmurs, looking down at his hands. “I want you to meet them. But just not now.”

“Why, Paxton? Is it because I’m too embarrassing for you?” She blurts out, and Devi’s terrified that she’ll blow over soon, that she’ll scream at him for the first time in her life. 

“What? No!” Paxton exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air. “You’re my girlfriend!”

“And that embarrasses you. Is that why you didn’t want to go to prom with me?’

Paxton’s neck gets red, and he balls his hand into a fist. “You know damn well that the reason I didn’t want to go to prom was because I was busy worrying about my sister.” He spits out, clenching his jaw. 

“Rebecca told you to go to make her happy. And she was getting better then. She was discharged from the hospital! I didn’t want to go either, until she practically begged me to convince you to go to prom with me. So what’s the real reason you didn’t go? You didn’t want me to be your prom date?” She asks, and she knows she’s being too harsh on him, but for some reason her brain doesn’t let her shut up.

“You aren’t my little secret! The whole school knows we’re dating! And my college friends know as well.”

“Then why won’t you let me meet your friends? Do you care about my social status that much?”

“Devi, you _know_ I don’t care about that stuff.”

“Seems like you care!” Now Devi’s yelling at the top of her voice, and she thanks God that no one else is nearby to eavesdrop. 

Paxton gets off the bench, slamming his apple onto the bench-top. “Okay fine, I care! But only because _other people_ care. I don’t want them making fun of you, or putting you in an awkward situation.”

Devi scoffs, looking up at him sorrowfully. She always knew Paxton cared about things like this, but hearing it from his mouth hurts differently. 

“If your friends ever _do_ make fun of me for having less than a thousand followers on Instagram, or for wanting to get into an ivy league university, then I expect _you_ to defend me. So I’m not scared of that. But _you’re_ scared to be put in a situation where you have to choose your less popular girlfriend over your cool friends.” She retorts, and tears threaten to spill out. Devi stands up, but immediately regrets her decision, because her knees start to shake ever so slightly, and she’s sure they’ll give out and have her come crashing down soon. 

“Devi…” He whispers, reaching his hand out towards her face, but she pushes it away from her. 

“No! I’m tired of this, Paxton! I know I’m not even half as pretty as those girls-”

“Devi, no. You’re pretty. And smart. But-”

“But what? What, Paxton?! We’re too different?! Then why don’t you just dump me and start dating one of these popular girls?” 

She regrets those words as soon as they come out of her mouth, but Paxton has already received the blow. He squints his eyes, and his mouth is parted in shock. 

“Okay, this is so fucking unfair of you to say? I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m _protecting_ you.” He replies, curtly.

She knows he's overprotective over people he cares about; he's the same to Rebecca. But Devi doesn't want to be protected or hidden. She wants him to show her off to the world _proudly_ , but he's not ready to. Devi can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s hurt and angry, and it baffles her that _she_ is the one that pissed him off this much. Anger and guilt starts to become an ugly mix inside her body, and she’s sure it’ll spill over anytime. 

“Preventing me from meeting your new friends isn’t protecting me. It’s called making me feel like _shit_.” She seethes through her teeth, and her vision is almost tainted red with how angry she is. For a second, it looks like Paxton is about to fight back, but he steps away instead, taking a deep breath.

“Okay. Maybe something is going on in your life that you haven’t told me about? Because you’re not acting like yourself, not at all.”

Her yelling at Paxton is very much like _herself_ , which makes Devi even more pissed. She’s taking years worth of anger out on him that she had bottled up, in fear of chasing him away. And now that she’s finally letting herself loose, he doesn’t think it’s the real her?

“I’m not acting like myself?” She asks, scoffing. “No, Paxton. I’m _finally_ acting like myself in front of you.”

Paxton freezes, eyes widening. 

“Congratulations! You’ve finally seen the real me! The real Devi Vishwakumar!” She says sarcastically, spreading her arms out wide. 

“...What?” Paxton utters, and his forehead crinkles in confusion.

“You’ve never heard me yell at you, or get mad at you before. So here you go, Paxton Hall-Yoshida! You’ve seen it all. Do you still wanna date this _monster_?”

He stares at her in disbelief for a few seconds, completely silent. Devi hopes for him to say something, anything, but instead, he packs his stuff up, and throws his unfinished apple into a nearby trash can. “I’m gonna go.” He mutters, and before Devi can stop him, he’s already walking away.

Once she can no longer see the silhouette of his body, and her anger dissipates, Devi starts to realize what she’s done. “Oh fuck.” She curses under her breath, running her hands through her hair.

She’d finally screamed at Paxton.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“We need to talk.”

“No shit!” 

Paxton stands in front of her, dressed in his college hoodie, while Devi wears a Sheridan Oaks High sweatshirt (that is quite frankly, very ugly). “We have problems. And we need to sort them out.” Devi says, looking down at her shoes. They’re standing in front of his car, Devi leaning against the car door, Paxton flush against her. 

“You just shoved me off you while I was trying to kiss you… you did the same thing last week. Sometimes you’re absent-minded when you talk to me. And even though we didn’t end up talking about it after, you screamed at me in the park! Ever since senior year started, you’ve been acting differently. So what’s up?” Paxton complains, seeming angry. Devi sighs, placing her hands on his shoulders. 

“It’s just… ever since senior year started, I’ve been thinking about our relationship. About why it isn’t the perfect ideal relationship I’ve always wanted. And I was so confused because you're _Paxton._ My high school crush. The hottest guy in school. Insanely talented in sports. Super sweet and protective over the people he loves. A guy who helped me whenever I embarrassed myself at parties.”

Paxton cocks an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. “So when you asked me out, and we started dating, I never acted like _myself_ around you. I always acted like the good version of me. I never showed you my ugly side. I mean, I’ve cried in front of you and you’ve consoled me, but I’ve never gotten mad at you. I’ve kind of… been afraid to act like the authentic _me_ in front of you, because I was scared. Scared of losing my chance with you, because I’m way out of your league.” Devi continues, struggling to make eye contact with Paxton.

“This entire time, I've been unfairly thinking _you_ were doing something wrong. But now I’ve realized… it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I held you at unrealistic expectations, I put you on a pedestal and expected that we’d work out despite how different we were, all because I didn’t want to blow my chance with you. Although the one thing I can say that’s definitely your fault is you not showing any interest in getting to know me well…”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry for that. I should have tried more.” Paxton says, and Devi’s relieved that he’s admitting to it.

“But I shouldn’t have tried so hard to make this perfect, you know? Because this is all I’ve wanted since freshman year- to date Paxton Hall-Yoshida. But I think we started dating too early, at a time when we didn’t really know each other super well. And while we do have stuff in common, like our love for our family, and our love for video games... we have way too many differences. And I really, really, don’t want to have to do this, but it’s better to do it now than later.” Devi takes a deep breath, gripping his shoulders tightly.

“Paxton, I think we should break up.”

To her surprise, Paxton smiles knowingly, nodding. “Okay.”

_Wait, what?_ “Huh?” She utters in shock.

“Devi, I tried to tell you the same thing in the library. I think the same thing. I mean, even when we first started dating, I remember when we were ordering food at a restaurant, you said you were okay with the food I wanted even though you could barely eat it without wanting to throw up. You weren’t ever really honest with me about what you liked and what you didn’t, and I never knew why. At least now I know." He says. "I want to date someone who can be honest with me, y'know? Unapologetically herself in front of me. I thought it would take some time for you to get out of that 'crush' phase and start to be more open with me, but that time never really came."

Devi can't really refute what he's saying. She's more surprised he noticed she's been faking her personality this entire time.

"Also, we’re both going to go to different universities, and… we wanna do different things with our lives. I want to go down the athletic route, you’re more of an academic gal… it wasn’t going to work out in the long run.”

Devi lets her hands drop from his shoulders, shaking her head in confusion. “So all this time…”

“I was trying to figure out how to tell you we should break up. But I didn’t want to rub you in the wrong way, or hurt you. Because even if we can’t really work out romantically, I don’t want us to stop talking entirely.”

Devi smiles at Paxton’s words, and she nods. “Yeah, me neither.”

“By the way, I’m sorry I lied to you about why I couldn’t come and pick you up two weeks ago. I honestly forgot that it was the anniversary of your father’s death. Don’t get me the wrong way, but I just assumed that you were… well…”

“Sad over nothing? No, it’s fine. Especially with the way I’ve been acting recently. I can’t blame you, I can be a handful sometimes. Although I tried never to be a handful for you, and that ultimately ended up postponing our break up. It was bound to happen sometime.”

“Yeah, you really are a tough cookie. Also, I guess I’m really not the commitment type of gal. You were my first long relationship, though. Be proud of that! Although you can be a real firecracker sometimes, huh?”

_“Well, you know Devi. She can be a real firecracker sometimes.”_ Ben’s voice bounces around in her head, and she bites her lip. It's really unbelievable that her mind is still comparing things the two say, even now.

“Try being my Mom, or Kamala, or Fabiola, or Eleanor. You’ve only really been on the receiving end of my anger _recently._ They’ve put up with me my whole life...” Devi purposely leaves out Ben, and she forces a laugh. Paxton snorts as well. 

His eyes flicker to her lips as he parts his mouth slightly, and he leans in. He presses his lips to hers for one last time, and then pulls back to step away from her. “Just one last time, you know? Although things didn’t work out, it was really nice dating you.” 

Devi smiles softly, pushing her weight off the car door as she stands up straight. “Same here. Thanks for dating me.”

Paxton’s grin suddenly falls, and he starts to frown. “Rebecca is gonna kick my ass.”

Devi smirks, crossing her arms. “She told me breaking up with you was probably for the better. You also probably complained about our relationship to her, although she never told me. You better tell her that I dumped you though, not the other way around.”

Paxton rolls his eyes, and Devi steps aside so that he can get inside his car. Once inside, he rolls down the car window, smiling widely. “Goodbye, Vishwakumar. Hopefully, when I come home during my break, we can all hang out together. You, me, Rebecca, Trent. You can bring your friends Fabiola and Eleanor too... and Ben. He’s chill."

Devi raises an eyebrow, and cocks her head at him. “Ben...? You think he's chill?”

“Yeah! Remember that tutor I used to talk about all the time? Dude tutored me. He was honestly really good at it. If it wasn’t for you and him, I would have never graduated. Next time you meet him, tell him drinks are on me! Hopefully he’ll be legal by then.” With that, Paxton drives off, and Devi waves goodbye, but her mind is still reeling.

_Ben was Paxton’s mysterious tutor?_

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“Devi, what is this?” Fabiola asks, holding up a notebook that falls open to the first page. Devi widens her eyes after reading the words, and runs up to Fabiola, quickly snatching the book away. 

Fabiola snickers, and Eleanor looks lost, confused about what they’re talking about. “‘ _I’m going to have sex with Paxton’_?? That was what you wrote in your grief journal? Listen, I know you stopped going to therapy a while ago, but this is just...”

Devi groans in agony, covering her face with her hands. Eleanor clears her throat, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Hey! We’re here to help Devi clean her room. Not to go through past things and remind her of her past relationship!” She scolds, arms crossed. 

“I’m not heartbroken or anything! It was a mutual decision, and a _very_ amicable breakup. I didn’t get dumped, and he didn’t break my heart. Plus, it’s been three weeks already. I’m _fine._ ” Devi affirms, while throwing the notebook in the trash can set in the middle of the room. “Honestly, I needed a break from boys. Because I was so occupied with Paxton, my grades were slipping. Ever since we broke up, I’ve been at the top of the rankings again.” 

“And beating Ben, too! To be honest, I miss you two bantering during class. It was dramatic and filled with entertainment for the rest of us.” Eleanor whines, pouting. Fabiola shakes her head, clicking her tongue. “Nuh-uh. Speak for yourself. In seventh grade, I had to do a group project with the two of them, and I swear to god I _still_ hate Ms. Abioye for doing that to me.”

Devi turns around, suppressing a smile. “We weren’t that bad!”

“I still remember everything. We met up at my house to work on the project, and you both ended up disagreeing on something. So then you took a metal spoon and _chucked_ it at him! Worst of all, your aim was terrible and you ended up throwing it towards me. Had I not ducked, I would have gotten a concussion!” 

Devi laughs hard, her stomach hurting. “Oh my god, I remember!”

“But then Ben started laughing maniacally, and then you two went running all over the sofas in my house, chucking various utensils at each other. My mom banned both of you from ever coming over again for a solid two years.” Fabiola says, shivering in fear. 

“But we got an A on that project, didn’t we?” Devi says, shooting finger guns at Fabiola, who rolls her eyes. “At the cost of my sanity, that is. But yeah. Shame you two don’t talk as much anymore. You guys were becoming friends, right?”

Devi wryly smiles, twirling a pencil in her hand. “Yeah. But after I started dating Paxton, I didn’t really get time to talk to Ben. But since senior year we’ve had an _actual_ conversation in real life… two times, I think?”

Eleanor gasps dramatically, dropping the stuffies she’s sorting out onto the floor. “You remember how many times? Why are you counting?”

Devi freezes, feeling her face flush. “What are you insinuating?”

Eleanor exchanges glances with Fabiola, and Devi feels extremely put on the spot. “I mean, ever since El and I got put in a class with you and Ben Gross, we’ve kinda always thought…” Fabiola trails off, motioning for Eleanor to continue. “Well, remember the first time we met Ben Gross? In fifth grade? We finally got to meet the boy you kept on complaining about ever since first grade. The banter you had with him? We always thought you two would end up together after that. Like enemies to lovers.”

Devi remembers the day they’re talking about, and cringes. 

_“Good morning, Devi. How was your summer? You brought your dork friends with you? What do these two think about you dressing like a low budget Hannah Montana?”_

_“Says the guy who wears an ungodly amount of patterns together. You’re so rich yet nothing expensive looks good on you. It’s a little hard to believe that out of all people, you’re trying to insult me.”_

_“I wasn’t insulting you, I was just describing you.”_

_“Haha. Soooo funny. You’re literally the reason why God created the middle finger.”_

_“I’m weirdly honored, David.”_

_“Of course you’d love hearing that. You’ve got nothing else going for you right now.”_

_“Hmm… yet I’m topping the class rankings?”_

_“Other than bragging about your grades, do you literally do anything else? Or does your whole existence revolve around trying to beat me? Do you have any character traits? Like, at all?”_

_“Seems to be the other way around, but okay.”_

_“Hold still! I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.”_

_“Devi, you do realize that all you do is get mad 24/7…”_

_“You know what? A thought just crossed my mind-”_

_“So, a thought just crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.”_

_“Eat shit, Gross.”_

_“Yes, I do agree. That was very gross of you to say.”_

“I still remember the way me and Eleanor walked away, leaving you two alone to continue arguing with each other because it was starting to feel like we were third wheeling.” Fabiola says, plopping onto Devi’s bed. The other two girls also climb on the mattress, and Devi grabs her pillow, covering her face with it. 

“I do not like Ben Gross that way. The mere thought of it is disgusting and _very_ weird.”

“Yet you kissed him in Malibu?”

Devi looks up, eyes widening. “How do you know that?!”

“You think Kamala didn’t see? She saved your asses by distracting your Mom until you came back. She accidentally told us two. But no one else knows.” Eleanor answers, very matter-of-factly, as if it was obvious information. “What the fuck? No way… That’s why she was looking at me weirdly when I kept on going to Ben’s house that one week…”

“Why did you keep on going to his house ' _that_ _one week'_? What are you talking about?” Eleanor asks, and Devi shuts up, not wanting to say anything.

Fabiola coughs, trying to make things less awkward. “Well, Ben is dating Kathy, and the worst part is, she’s not even terrible like Shira was. So you can’t really try to make them break up or something. Because that would be mean.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. Anyways, that kiss was just a one time thing,” Devi lies, not wanting to reveal the whole one week pact secret. She would definitely die right on the spot if her friends ever found out about that. “Ben and I are not like that.”

“Honestly, it’s a shame. You two could make it work if you tried. Both of you push each other academically, so your worry, and your Mom’s worry of you getting distracted from your studies would be avoided. Also, I feel like you both have the perfect balance of differences and similarities. If you guys wouldn’t argue all the time about your differences, and instead bond over your similarities like you did during sophomore year… it would probably work out.” Eleanor advises, and she's painfully unaware of how her words are affecting Devi. It’s making the girl think, and regret things. What if she had chosen Ben over Paxton that day? Would things have been different?

Devi chucks her pillow at Eleanor, who groans at the impact. “Stop saying dumb things, El. You’re unrealistically romantic. It’ll never get you anywhere. You too, Fab. Ben and I are not the enemies to lovers trope you think we are.”

“Yet we’re the ones in relationships and you’re single? Maybe we’re onto something.” Fabiola teases, and although Devi knows she isn’t being serious, she wonders whether she should take their words seriously. To be honest, the thought of them being enemies to lovers doesn’t bother her as much as it should…

And she hates how much she likes their teasing.

Suddenly her phone buzzes in her pocket, and she pulls it out to check her notifications. 

**Ben:** _David_

**Ben:** _Don’t know if you still have my contact saved cause it’s been a while since I’ve texted you, but it’s Ben Gross_

**Ben:** _I broke up with Kathy_

**Ben:** _Told her we agree on everything and that it’s a little agonizing for me, dating someone that is my exact replica_

**Ben:** _Said we’d be great friends instead_

**Ben:** _Guess what she said when I told her we should break up :D_

Devi ignores her friends curiously looking at her, and she types back a reply with a smile on her face. 

**Devi:** _let me take a wild guess_

**Devi:** _“oh my god ben! i was totally thinking the same thing!”_

**Ben:** _Jackpot LMFAO_

“I’ll bet my left kidney that you’re texting Ben Gross right now.” Fabiola murmurs, and Devi chucks her second pillow at her.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“You’re dumb and I hate you.”

“David, you’re just mad that I’m right! Now shut up and agree with me.”

“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be in the wrong.”

“Enough!” Eric yells, flailing his hands in the air. “I’m leaving. You both can finish this assignment yourselves. I’m done.” He storms off before the both of them can even complain. Devi turns to where Ben is sitting on the bed, and she chucks her pencil at him. He grabs it midair, not seeming fazed. Things like this happen too often for him not to be.

“Congrats, Gross! You’ve successfully chased our last group member away.”

Ben scoffs while getting off the bed. “Um, last time I checked, _you_ were the one who started the argument!”

“Okay, but before that? We were arguing over which character should use microaggressions and you told Eve to take your side because you’re both Jewish! You made her leave!”

“She should’ve taken my side,” Ben grumbles, pouting. “But you know who’s fault this is? Mr. Evans! He’s the one who thought of this stupid project idea! I mean, imagine thinking, ‘ _Hm, we should take every AP twelfth grade History class and mix them up into random groups to do this assignment’!_ Literal thoughts of a psychopath. It’s just our luck that we got put in the same group out of like, a hundred other kids.”

Devi grumbles under her breath, snatching the planning notebook away from Ben. “Whatever. First Eve, then Oliver, and now Eric! And Jonah didn’t even want to show up at my house today because he thought we were, in his words, _‘going to be annoying, and like, argue all the time’._ We chased everyone away! So now we have to do everything ourselves!”

Ben rolls his eyes, and reaches for the notebook, but Devi moves it further away. “Does it matter? At least now no one can dilute the quality of our project.” He says, annoyed. Devi stomps her foot on the floor. “But we have to do twice- not twice, we have to do _five times_ the amount of work. And they all get a nice grade when we’re the ones who worked hard for it!” 

Ben sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Devi. We can talk to Mr. Evans about it, and then he’ll mark accordingly depending on who put effort into it. Now can you give me back the notebook already?”

Devi shakes her head sassily, holding the notebook close to her chest. “Look, I know for the past month we’ve become chill again and we’ve been eating with each other at lunch, and texting each other, etcetera-”

“Did you just say etcetera out _loud?_ ” Ben asks incredulously.

Devi ignores him, and continues to talk. “But even if we’re friends, or frenemies again, that doesn’t change the fact that I should be holding the reins of this project because I’m still smarter than you. So I will not be giving you this notebook.”

“Uh, have you seen my awards display? You know I’m much more accomplished than you.” 

“Half of them are participation trophies, Gross.”

Ben scoffs, crossing his arms. “You know damn well that’s not true, David.” Devi rolls her eyes. “You know, every time you open your mouth, I wonder, _‘Seriously? You were the sperm that won’_?” 

Ben chokes on air at Devi’s insult, scrunching his face up. “Ew, the fuck??”

The angry girl raises her eyebrows, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, I’m so sorry! If I said anything to offend you, it was purely intentional.” 

Ben can sense her challenging him to a duel of roasts, and he gears up with a confident grin. “I’m not offended by what you say. I’m just glad you’re able to string your words into sentences now, no matter how disgusting they are.”

“Oh yeah? Well you look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”

“I’m not about to start a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”

“Okay, Gross, that was just lame. And nerdy.”

“Not my fault you’re a person of rare intelligence. It’s rare when you show any.” Ben takes a step towards her, eyes fixated on her face but hand extended, reaching for the notebook. Devi notices, and hides the notebook behind her back, walking backwards. “Please. At least I have a personality. You haven’t even decided on one yet.” Devi retorts, and she winces when her back hits her bedroom wall. Ben continues moving towards her with a smirk on his face.

“I’m just a lost boy, trying to find my way in this world…” Ben jokes, with a fake nasally tone. Devi rolls her eyes, struggling to hold back her laugh. “Well _lost boy_ , someday you’ll find yourself, and oh boy, will you be disappointed.”

Ben’s face is now awfully close to hers, and she can feel her cheeks turning crimson as blood rushes up to her face. Were his eyes always this… _blue?_ Did his lips always look this… _soft?_

“I’ll never forget the first time we met,” Ben whispers, his breath lingering on Devi’s lips. She watches his gaze move down to her mouth, as the look in his eyes switches. Devi suddenly becomes increasingly aware of their intimate position, and she bites her lip. She’s dressed in a flimsy pink tank top and sweats, and Ben is wearing a blue shirt and sweatpants that are now pressed flush against her.

A guttural (and absolutely _embarrassing_ ) sound comes out of Devi’s mouth, and Ben raises his eyebrows, but he doesn’t move back. Stupid teen hormones...

Devi’s mind reels. _“I’ll never forget the first time we met…”_ What will he say after that? Something nice? Something cheesy?

“I’ll never forget the first time we met,” Ben repeats, and he presses his forehead against hers. Devi can see that Ben's ears are on fire, and her eyes flutter shut. She feels his arm snake around her waist, and _oh god is he going to kiss her?! Is he going to kiss her????_

“...although I’ll keep trying.” 

Before she knows it, the notebook is out of her hand and in his instead. He beams at her proudly, shaking it in front of her. “Ha! I won fair and square.” He mocks, and then goes back to his spot on her bed. 

Devi huffs, crossing her arms. She doesn’t know what she’s more mad about; Ben stealing the notebook from her, Ben starting off a diss as a seemingly nice compliment, or Ben not… not…

Kissing her?

“I hate you so much. I hate you unbearably much. I hate you so much, it’s excruciating!” Devi rambles on, pacing around her bedroom back and forth. She eventually tires herself out, plopping onto her bed. Ben bounces with the mattress, giggling at Devi who has her hands covering her red face.

“So then stop hating me if it’s that painful for you!” Ben replies, and he leans over to hover his face above hers. Devi removes her hands from her face, and is startled by Ben. He laughs at her expression, shining all his thirty-two (or thirty-six? Devi can’t really remember) teeth at her. His smile is so beautiful that she can’t even bring herself to stay mad at him, and so the corners of her lips tug up as well.

“I don’t hate you, Ben.” Devi admits. His grin slightly falls, and he adopts a more serious expression. She’s sure both of them can feel a shift in the tension around them. “I don’t hate you either, Devi.” He replies earnestly, and at the sound of her real name rolling off his tongue (not her stupid white boy nickname),she’s compelled to smash her mouth against his, to run her fingers through his fluffy hair-

“Devi! What are you doing?!”

They both sit up, eyes widened. “Nothing was happening!” They exclaim at the same time, but judging by the way Nalini is piercing through Ben’s eyes with her dagger stare, they both know there’s no getting out of this.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

Today is presentation day, and Devi can’t help but feel a little nervous. Her and Ben had worked on the entire script themselves, and they could only hope and pray that their group mates had practiced their lines in the comfort of their own homes.

They stand in line, in uniform one-in-front-of-the-other fashion. Presentations are taking place in the auditorium, since they have to somehow fit all the 12th Grade AP History kids into one room. Apparently, this is a summative mark, and will account for 5% of their final grade. Although 5% doesn't seem like a lot, and will only really affect her final mark by one percent, Devi sees a huge difference between getting a 97% and getting a 98%.

“David,” Ben whispers into her ear from where he’s standing behind her. He’s gripping his printed copy of the script tighter than ever. “Are you nervous?”

Devi nods, focusing her gaze on the back of the head in front of her. “Yeah, dude. I don’t know why though.”

“Same… my fingers are clammy as fuck. I haven’t had sweaty hands since sixth grade. Also, I think your Mom yelling at me yesterday did a number on me. She wouldn't even believe me when I told her I'm not dating you!”

Devi laughs softly, but her laugh fizzles out as soon as the group in front of them is called to present. “Oh my god, we’re next.” She says to Ben, who’s chewing on his lips. He breathes in, breathes out, and then extends a fist to Devi, who reciprocates with her own.

“We got this, don’t worry. We’re freaking Devi Vishwakumar and Ben Gross, an unstoppable team. If anything, everyone sitting here is afraid of _our_ group, because we’re gonna do amazing. So we shouldn’t worry.”

Devi nods, smiling. She hopes Ben can see her smile from where he’s standing behind her. 

Minutes pass, and soon, their names are called up to present. Ben grips her hand for a quick second before walking up the stage stairs, and Devi feels a little calmer knowing that Ben is there beside her, to catch her if she stumbles.

“This group took on the topic of micro-aggression, and it’s prevalence in society even today.” Mr. Evans speaks into the mic, reading off his papers. “They consist of Eve Longhorn, best known for her work in the LGBTQ+ Pride Club; Jonah Sharpe prominently known for his work in Acapella and Art Club… as well as students Oliver Martinez and Eric Perkins. This group additionally includes two of Sheridan High’s best students, Ben Gross and Devi Vishwakumar.”

Devi glances at Ben, because she was not expecting such a long intro for the group members. She hadn't been paying attention to the groups that went before them, so she figures it's her bad for not knowing. Ben looks just as confused, shrugging slightly when he makes eye contact with her.

“Ben Gross is in too many clubs to count, such as Model UN, Acapella Club, Physics Club, Latin Club, Cultural Awareness Club, Chess Club… yeah, way too many. He balances all these clubs while maintaining a very impressive average. Devi Vishwakumar is also in many clubs, such as Chinese Club, UNICEF, Young Democrats, Orchestra… must I go on? Much like her academic counterpart, she’s also balanced her extracurriculars with her classwork, maining an equally impressive average. And despite going through a whole lot in freshman year-”

Devi freezes. She clenches her jaw, and tightens her hand into a fist. He can’t bring up what she thinks he’s going to, right?

“-losing her father and being paralyzed for three months after, she’s been through it all and yet is still prevailing. So give it up for Group B2!”

The room drowns out in applause, but Devi can only focus on her pounding heart. Thoughts swirl into her mind, about the day it happened, and how she was standing on the school’s stage in the same place she’s standing now, looking down into the crowd as she helplessly watched her Dad clutch his chest.

She feels angry at Mr. Evans for bringing it up, for making things harder for her. Who thought it was a good idea to put that in the introduction? She doesn't want everyone to pity her while listening to her present something completely unrelated to the tragedies in her life.

She can hear murmurs coming from the crowd, some pitying her, some saying her Dad must be so proud of her, etc. But they were all wrong. In fact, Devi’s sure her Dad is extremely disappointed with her, considering the way she treated her Mom during sophomore year, the way she treated her friends. The way she still gets mad at people that are trying to help her, only because she’s too busy trying to deflect.

Just like that, years of Dr. Ryan’s therapy goes to waste and everything falls apart. She’s reminded of all too many things at once, and especially the fact that her father is _gone._

The entire crowd is waiting for them to start, as well as her group members, and she knows she has the beginning line, but she can’t bring herself to say it, or anything at all. She looks up at Ben, afraid that he’s annoyed at her, but instead he looks concerned. He has the same look he had when she told him she wasn’t going to scatter her Dad’s ashes… great! Now she’d reminded herself of the day she promised to let go of her Dad. Even more shame builds up inside of her, for failing to move on. 

So Devi runs like always, pushing past a worried Ben and various other teachers and students, who stare at her in disbelief. She pushes the door open with great force, and continues running aimlessly in the hallways. She lets air brush her face as she runs, runs, runs, further into unknown corridors. 

Eventually, she stops running to breathe, and it’s that one gasp for air that causes everything to tumble down again. She heaves and hiccups and quivers, falling down onto her knees. Her tears stain her fancy new pants, but she can’t find it in her to care. She’s crying even harder than she was that day in the rain, and the utmost force of her sobbing almost makes her want to puke.

Devi has never been a pretty crier. She knows that. She doesn’t cry often, but when she does, it’s usually hard, ugly, and heavy. So now that she’s alone, in a secluded corridor with no classrooms nearby, she cries with all her might, hoping that this will be the last time.

Her lungs rummage for oxygen, and she feels like she’s drowning. The flesh underneath her rib-cage throbs, her cheeks burn and itch, and her throat feels blocked. Suddenly, she’s gasping for air, struggling to breathe, and she starts panicking, desperately trying to inhale air-

She’s pulled up by somebody, who envelopes her in a warm hug. Stricken with the familiar and warm embrace, her body allows her to inhale again, and she relaxes against his body, leaning all her weight onto him.

“You’re okay,” He whispers, again and again and again, almost as if he’s trying to convince himself more than her. “You’re not alone, Devi. I’m here.”

At the sound of those words, Devi starts to sob again, but this time more controlled. She sobs into the crook of his neck, wetting his collar and his expensive shirt. “God, I miss him. I miss him!” She cries, clutching his blazer tightly. She can feel Ben nod. “I know, Devi. I know.”

“I want him back! Why can’t he come back? Why did he leave me?!” She cries out, heaving with every breath she takes. Her knees eventually give out, and she pulls him down with her to the dirty high school floor. Usually, Ben Gross would complain about germs and getting his pants stained, but this time, he pulls Devi closer to him, and shifts so that they’re sitting near the wall. 

He rests his body against the wall so that Devi can too, but she continues to cry in his hold. “I’m such a bad person, Ben…” 

“No you aren’t.” His voice quivers, and she wonders if he’s about to start crying too.

“He’s probably so disappointed in me...” She says sadly, and Ben shakes his head. “No, Devi. He’s so proud of you. So, so proud of you.”

“Sometimes I feel like I only miss him when it’s convenient. And I’m such a bad person for that. If I really was a good person, I should be grieving him every second of my life, not once every month.”

Ben puts his hand under Devi’s chin, lifting her head off his chest so he can see her. She knows she looks not so attractive right now, but the way Ben’s looking at her makes her feel anything but ugly. He caresses her face with his hand, brushing his thumb over her tear stricken cheek. 

“Grieving is different for everybody. And it’s fucking weird. Some days, you’ll pass time without even feeling it. And then some other days, the fact that they’re gone hits you like a truck.”

Devi frowns, a new batch of tears welling up. “So when does it stop? When does the cycle end? When can I stop grieving randomly like this?”

Ben smiles sadly, shaking his head. “It never does, Devi. You just learn to live with it. But grief isn’t a bad thing. It just means that you loved someone so much that you’re still thinking about them even after they’re gone. Isn’t that powerful?”

Devi nods slightly, and she hiccups, signaling the end of her waterfall show. “Even though I hated you, my Dad really liked you.” She admits, sniffling. 

“I really like him too.” 

Something about the way Ben speaks in present tense about her father comforts her even more, so she pulls him into another warm hug. One of his hands wraps around her back, and the other buries itself in her hair. They stay in that position for a while, not one word exchanged.

After a while, Devi groans. “Oh no… our group probably failed because of me.”

“Nah. They’ll probably just mark our script. Plus, exams are more important anyways. Not one person is mad at you, okay? None of our group members, none of the teachers…”

“Why haven’t the teachers arrived yet?” Devi asks, and she pulls away, eyebrows furrowed. “Also, how are _you_ here? How did you find me?”

“Well, I managed to convince the teachers that I should go alone to find you. And I found you by following your footprints. You stepped in dog shit during lunch, remember?”

Devi lets out a genuine laugh, and she leans her head back against the wall. They begin to talk about various things, laughing and snorting. Minutes pass, hours pass, and suddenly, the school bell rings, signaling the end of the day. 

“Before the halls get busy, I’d like to thank you.” Devi says, and Ben shrugs while grinning. “It’s really no problem.”

As she looks into his pretty eyes, she starts to come to terms with the fact that she loves being around Ben. Whether they’re bantering, arguing, consoling each other, laughing, making colorful commentary about their favorite shows and movies… it didn’t matter. As long as she is doing it with Ben, it's guaranteed to give her a serotonin boost.

She wonders whether the sporadic feelings she felt during sophomore year for him are coming back, and worse than ever. But then, as she starts to look back onto her relationship with Paxton, and the many times her mind had automatically compared him to Ben… she starts to realize that maybe, just maybe... those feelings had never gone away in the first place.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“You idiot!”

Ben yelps when Devi kicks him lightly in the shin. Her legs are splayed out across the couch, giving the boy barely any space. “What? You asked for tomato juice!”

“I asked for ‘red fruit’ juice. That meant _strawberry_ juice! Tomatoes are not a fruit!” She yells, but her tone is lighthearted.

“Okay, first of all, tomatoes _are_ technically a fruit. And second of all, you should’ve made that clear before I told Patty to make, in your words, _red fruit juice._ ” Ben retorts, and he lightly slaps the soles of her feet. “Also, get your dirty feet off my couch!”

Devi clicks her tongue, and sinks down further, extending her legs so that her feet are now resting on his lap instead. His thighs are soft, warm, and inviting, and it almost feels like they’re back in sophomore year, hanging out at his house, being touchy with each other-

“David!” He shrieks, but he doesn’t make any effort to shove her legs off him. Instead, he grabs his game controller, and places his arms lightly on top of her ankles. She smiles warmly at how comfortable it feels being this open with Ben. 

“So. Before we start this next round, I need to make a few things clear. I get to be Wario!” He declares, smirking at her confidently. Devi grumbles, rolling her eyes. “Then I get Donkey Kong!”

Ben shakes his head. “Hm, I think you should go for Rosalina or something. She’s pretty!” He says, but Devi isn’t convinced. “You think I don’t know about Pareto efficiency, Gross? The way to weigh out which Mario Kart character is the best driver is by taking their weight handling, traction, and acceleration into account, as well as their vehicles. And the best combo for speed is Wario on a Standard Slick. Second best is Donkey Kong on a Slick Bike.”

Ben’s mouth gapes open, and Devi uses her foot to lightly push his chin up, so that it closes. He scrunches his nose up at her foot touching his face, but still doesn’t push her legs away. “I’m surprised your peewee brain knew that already.” He says, pouting in disappointment.

Devi puts her controller aside, and she sits straight up, folding her legs back. He watches her feet escape his hold, and for a split second he seems a little sad.

“Before we start playing, I need to ask you something.” She says, and Ben’s pout turns into a serious look of worry.

“Were you the one who snitched on me in freshman year for not doing my History homework?"

Ben freezes, before sighing in relief. “For a second, I thought you were telling me something that was super serious-”

“This _is_ super serious!” Devi cuts off, leaning her face closer to his. “Did you or did you not? It’s been in the back of my mind all day.”

“Yes,” Ben answers, rolling his eyes. “I did. But it was because _you_ went behind my back and tried to steal _my_ homework answers! You could have at least asked politely!”

“You’re telling me that you would have let me copy your homework for _free?_ ” Devi asks disbelievingly, eyes widened. Ben grins before saying, “No, I wouldn’t have.”

She shoves him lightly into the cushiony corner of the grey couch. “That’s what I thought. Thanks to you, Mr. Shapiro did homework checks the entirety of ninth grade.”

“So are we just going to forget that you lied about seeing me in the girls washroom? All because I answered a question in class before you could on the first day of first grade?”

Devi smiles, knowing he’s referencing the first time they met. It was the first day of first grade, and Devi was excited to be making such a big jump from kindergarten to grade school. With her Kumon training that put her months in advance from her peers, she was sure she was bound to become the teacher’s pet- until she figured out she had major competition.

_“Two times two is four, Mr. Reed.”_

_“Hey! I was gonna say that!”_

_“Well too bad, so sad!”_

_“Oh yeah? You’re just a stupid boy!”_

_“I have a name, and it’s Ben Gross. You sure have a lot of attitude for someone so tiny.”_

_“My name is Devi Vishwakumar, and I’m not tiny! My Dad says I’m like a tiger.”_

_“Tigers are ugly.”_

_“And I think your face looks like poo-poo!”_

Mr. Reed had broken their fight up, and since the two weren’t used to having someone equally as intelligent and academically fueled as them in their classes, they made a habit of arguing with each other and pestering their teachers to no end. Thus, the iconic rivalry between Ben Gross and Devi Vishwakumar was created. 

They often ended up in the same class, and Devi was always annoyed at the fact that the universe forced her to sit in the same room as Ben for years, but that she barely ever got to be in a class with her best friends, up till fifth grade. 

“We were so annoying back then.” Ben remarks, smiling. Devi bites her lip, nodding. “Yeah. We still kinda are though…” She says, laughing softly. He turns to the side so that he can face Devi, and leans against the armrest. “I agree.”

“That’s a first!” Devi exclaims, jokingly. Ben rolls his eyes.

“We’ve agreed plenty of times before.” He says, and Devi can’t really deny that.

“What was your first impression of me?” She asks, curious to know.

Ben clears his throat, and he shifts his weight on the couch. “Uh, well. I thought you were pretty.”

Devi can feel heat arising to her cheeks, and she knows she’s going red. She was expecting something more crude or rude, but to hear Ben admit that his younger self found her pretty is shocking, to say the least. What’s weirder is that Devi feels a little giddy at hearing it, in a _good_ way.

“But then you yelled at me for saying two times two is four, and ruined everything.”

Devi groans. “Oh my god! Let it go.”

“Never,” He replies, smirking. His smile falters, and he gazes at her guiltily. "Also, I'm sorry for the whole 'UN' thing. I didn't expect the nickname to blow up..."

Devi shrugs. "Eh, well it was pretty shitty of you to create a nickname that haunted me for way too long," She says, smiling softly. "But it's cool. We were both kinda dickheads to each other, so... fair game." 

Ben nods, sighing in relief. 

“Oh…” He pauses, looking at her shyly. “What did you think of me? Before I opened my mouth, that is.”

She wonders whether she should be honest about how little Devi’s heart had almost imploded seeing eyes as blue as his stare right at her. She ponders over telling him how attractive she thought his smile was when she first saw him sitting across the classroom, with his big eyes crinkled up and his missing tooth gaps peeking out. 

“I thought your eyes were pretty. And when your friend made you laugh, I thought your smile was cute.” She admits reluctantly. She purposely says the words fast so that they linger in the air for less time.

Ben mouths an _oh,_ and pats her shoulder slowly (in which she assumes is his way of saying thank you) before he shoots her a smile- the same damn smile he had plastered on his face in first grade, and Devi’s afraid that she’s falling for him again, this time much harder. 

He looks at her with a gaze that makes Devi _feel_ things that she shouldn’t. As he lets his hand fall, he brushes his fingers down her arm, and his eyes flicker from her eyes, to her lips, to her nose, to her cheeks- as if he’s trying to memorize her facial structure.

“Nothing’s changed,” He whispers. “I still think you’re pretty.”

Heat arises from Devi’s stomach, and it travels to her chest, radiating. She looks up at him through her lashes, and in disappointment, watches him take back his hand. “Your eyes are still the bluest I’ve ever seen.” She mumbles incoherently, but Ben understands what she’s saying (because he always finds a way to understand the mess that is Devi Vishwakumar). 

“And what about my smile? Do you still think it’s cute?” He asks, beaming at her, and Devi’s breath hitches as she tries to search for a response. How is she supposed to say _yes,_ but in a way that doesn’t make it seem like she’s in love with him? Because she totally isn’t!

Before she can respond, Patty’s voice booms through the empty living room as she makes an entrance. “Ben dear, I know she’s here to hang out with you alone, but do you mind if I play one round with Devi? I want to see if I can beat her.”

Devi smiles widely, nodding, and Ben nods as well. “Sure thing, Patty.” 

Devi is mainly glad she doesn’t have to answer Ben’s question, because thinking someone has pretty eyes isn’t a huge deal, but thinking someone has a pretty smile is leading into dangerous territory. 

She pretends like her answer would have been _no;_ that his smile doesn’t make her heart skip a beat. Because only people in _love_ fall for someone’s smile, and Devi isn’t in love. 

And so she tells herself this again and again every night after this one, because that’s what people who _aren’t_ in love do. 

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“Rebecca!”

Devi runs up to the blonde to hug her tightly, and she squeals happily. “Devi! You’re here!”

“Of course I am! Ahh, I’ve missed you so much, girl!” She replies, pulling back from the hug. “Can you believe Prom is a _month_ away? This year is going by so fast.” 

Rebecca grins widely, grabbing Devi’s hand. “Let’s find you a nice dress! Although, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you buying your prom dress from Old Navy?”

Devi laughs, letting Rebecca drag her to the women’s section of the store. “My Mom thinks that Old Navy offers beautiful, _affordable_ dresses. Anything under $60 is good!” However, Rebecca looks back at her pitifully, clicking her tongue. “Honestly, the dresses here are really good base material. You know what? You can choose a dress, and then I’ll make it look more glamorous. Okay?”

Devi widens her eyes, shaking her head. “No! Rebecca, that’s way too much work… Plus, with your fashion course and… where will you get the time?”

“Devi. You were my brother’s first long relationship. You made him happy. But more than that, you’ve always been a great friend to me! So of course I’ll be willing to do this for you!”

Devi smiles, her heart full. Even though Paxton and her had broken up, Rebecca still treats her the same. “Okay, Becca. If that’s what you want.”

She starts to rummage through the racks, and Rebecca does too, pulling out some dresses and asking Devi whether she likes them or not. While she’s trying to imagine how she’d look in a certain dress, Rebecca taps her shoulder. 

“By the way, Paxton is doing well. He’s having fun in college and everything. He’s doing really well in athletics. I guess he wasn’t ever interested in academics.” 

Devi wryly smiles. “That’s good to know. We don’t text that often anymore, but he did reply to my happy birthday text!”

“Yeah. He wants to come home real bad though. Says his dorm room is really messy. Thank god you guys never got too serious and that you didn’t move in with him or something. Paxton is super messy…”

“Yeah, probably for the best. I mean, Paxton was a really good boyfriend but… Moving in with someone would be a huge deal.” Devi answers, pushing away memories of living with Ben during sophomore year to the back of her mind. _That was under different circumstances,_ she reminds herself.

“Yeah, a huge deal. Anyways, I think he’s dating someone new. But it’s been like, two or three months since you two broke up… that’s the longest he’s gone between relationships. You really were something special for him. So don’t feel sad, okay?”

Rebecca stares at her intently, looking guilty for telling Devi about Paxton’s not so single relationship status. But no matter how much Devi tries to dig up feelings of sadness and jealousy that he’s moved on… she can’t.

“I’m actually not sad… I’m glad he’s moved on. Plus, we’re friends. It’s better that way.”

The blonde raises her eyebrows, but she keeps quiet. “What about you? Anyone new that you like?”

Devi freezes. She wasn’t expecting Rebecca to ask her that.

“Not really, no.”

Rebecca gasps, throwing the dresses in her hand onto a nearby rack. “You’re going _alone_ to prom _?_ No!”

Devi sighs, rolling her eyes. “Rebecca, it’s really fine. I’m going with Fab and El, and I’ll just fifth wheel the whole night. Or better yet, I’ll find myself a hottie _at_ prom and then he can be my boyfriend or something… at least until I graduate. If I graduate single, Ben wins the bet.”

Rebecca walks over to Devi, wiggling her eyebrows. “Ben?”

“Relax,” Devi scoffs. “In eighth grade we made a bet about whether I’d be single when graduating… he said I would and I said I wouldn’t. I think he forgot about it cause he hasn’t mentioned it since, but I remembered just now.”

“You know, Ben’s a nice guy. And he’s single now too. So I-”

“No, don’t even finish that sentence!” Devi interrupts, face turning red. “Ben and I are just friends, you know. Us being friends is a huge feat compared to before, when we hated each other’s guts. Getting into a relationship is unthinkable.”

Every time Devi lies, she feels a little more guilty on the inside. She likes to pretend that Malibu never happened, and that their one week fling never existed, and he does too. But deep down inside, she knows there’s no way she can ever forget it happened. She can only lie to everyone about it, including herself.

“Ben’s a nice guy though. When he tutored my brother, he was always really nice, and _especially_ patient. My brother had other tutors that my parents recruited, but he was never interested and ended up pissing off the tutors, so much that they gave up.”

Devi remembers hearing from Paxton that another one of his tutors quit on various dates. She tried to help Paxton in his studies as well, but he was never a fan of study dates or being tutored by his girlfriend, and so she tried to help him by only supporting him, but it wasn't enough. So when she heard that this time he had a tutor that was actually helping him, she felt indebted to whoever this tutor was. 

The day she broke up with Paxton, he’d driven off after dropping one of the biggest truth bombs of her life- that Ben was his tutor.

“Why did no one tell me that Ben was his tutor? Not even Paxton?” Devi huffs, crossing her arms. 

Rebecca shrugs. “Things were just… kinda awkward between you and Ben. And Paxton knew you two always argued in class, and he didn’t want to make you upset by telling you that Ben was his tutor. Also, I think Ben told Paxton not to tell you either.”

_Of course Ben told him not to tell me,_ she thinks, annoyed. “He was a great tutor though. He tried to teach Paxton in a way that he would be interested in. One of them was an odd mix of basketball and speed quiz. But it worked! He graduated. And Ben was super chill with me too. He’d play video games with us, and he’d help me make snacks.”

“But out of everything he did for us, the thing I’m most grateful for is that midway, he started tutoring Paxton for free. Remember when I got sick really badly last year? And I was in the hospital for a while?” 

Devi nods, remembering how worried Paxton was, and how worried she was herself for her friend. 

“Yeah, the bill was a lot because our country’s health care system wants to kill us all. So our mom asked Ben whether it was okay if we could skip a month’s payment, but he told us that we don’t have to pay him anymore, and that he could continue tutoring Paxton for free. His family even helped us pay off some costs that we couldn’t afford. He’s a very nice guy.”

Devi takes time to soak in all of her words, somehow feeling even worse. It is no surprise to her that Ben is generous and kind, but to think that he’d done so much for Rebecca and her (at the time) boyfriend’s family made her heart swell. She remembers how miserable Paxton was for a while, until he suddenly seemed a lot happier, and she’d never known why. Knowing that it was thanks to Ben doesn’t settle in easy for her.

“Wow.” Devi utters, but when Rebecca glances at her with a smirk on her face, she becomes hesitant to openly show admiration for him. “Well, he’s rich, so that’s common courtesy. I guess.” She adds on, trying to sound unaffected. 

“He’s rich, yes, but tutoring Paxton took up like, half of his free time. And during exam season, he came over more often than usual to help Paxton study for finals. He didn’t even get much time to study for his own junior year exams! Ben did it for nothing in return, because he knew Paxton didn’t want to fail and then have our parents suffer. So I think he’s a really good guy, Devi. You’re the only one who doesn’t really see it.”

Devi bites her lip, turning away from Rebecca. She knows Ben is a good person, and that he does good things expecting nothing in return. It’s what he had done when he let her move in, when he made her reconcile with her friends, when he drove her to Malibu. He'd lied to her about not having feelings for her so that she could date Paxton, and then he tutored Paxton so that he could graduate. He’d given her many rides home, he'd consoled her too many times to count. But what had she done for him? Other than be his friend, and then half girlfriend, just to break his heart right after and not talk to him for a year?

And even though they're friends now, she can’t think of a single time she genuinely did something super nice for him. Devi feels ashamed, and most of all, she struggles to cope with the fact that Ben has always been there for her, even when she was a little kid and he had given her his umbrella, although it followed with preschool type insults. Even younger Ben was always making sure she was alright, but just in ways that she never paid attention to.

_“David!”_

_“What, Gross? Are you going to make fun of me for being soaking wet or what? Sorry I can’t control the rain...”_

_“Are you seriously gonna walk home looking like that?”_

_“Yes. And I’m gonna look as pretty as Dora while doing it. But the older version of Dora. The one with the longer hair- achoo!”_

_“Ew, David! Don’t get your cooties all over me!”_

_“Shut up- achoo!”_

_“Here. Take my umbrella. You’ll get sick.”_

_“Nuh-uh. This is just one of your stupid plans or something.”_

_“Take it! I’m doing charity work by giving this to you. Doing this stuff makes me and my future resume look better. Now will you take it already?”_

_“Resume? You’re nine- achoo! Fine, Gross. I’ll take it. But this doesn’t mean I owe you anything, because you’re my nemesis and you always will be!”_

_“No complaints about that.”_

_“Ha! Now you look like a wet dog and I’m the one with the umbrella. See you tomorrow, enemy!”_

_“Okay, okay, go home already! Bye!”_

“Your first prom was supposed to be with Paxton, during your junior year, right? Since he’s older?” Rebecca says, shaking Devi out of her memories. “Uh, yeah. But he didn’t want to go, so…”

Rebecca sighs, shaking her head. “You like Ben, Devi. He likes you too! And think about it. You’re both single. Ready to mingle.”

“Ben doesn’t like me like that. And I don’t like him! Plus, we can both go to prom as single people and still hang out! I am not about to go to prom with my frenemy.”

Rebecca rolls her eyes. “We’ll see about that once prom comes rolling around. Anyways, have you picked out a dress you like yet? I think this blue one is nice. Plus, it’ll help your date’s eyes pop-”

Devi hurls the dress in her hand at Rebecca before she can finish her sentence.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“During photosynthesis, light reactions produce ‘blank’ while the Calvin cycle produces ‘blank’?”

Ben scoffs, resting his head on his hands. “Easy. Light reactions produce NADPH and ATP, while the Calvin cycle produces sugar.”

Devi rolls her eyes, trying to ignore how attractive he is when he’s so sure of his answer. “That was easy for me too. Next question.” 

Ben tiredly rubs his eyes, and grabs the next flashcard from the pile. “One way to determine the type of life cycle an organism has is by-”

“Comparing the diploid and haploid forms of the organisms.”

“Okay, that was an easy one.”

Devi laughs in victory, pounding her fists into the air. “Haha! I win!”

“You said you lost count of how many points we both had!”

“I lied. Devi Vishwakumar never forgets things like that. I won by one point. Suck on that, Gross.”

Ben groans, thudding his head onto the table. The rest of the students in the library glare at them, annoyed at how much they like to bicker. They’ve been studying for their AP Biology exam ever since lunch break started, and the people who were originally sitting near them had all scattered off in annoyance.

Devi pulls his head up by latching onto his hair, and he yelps, immediately yanking Devi’s hands off of him. “I won. So…” She smirks evilly, pointing to the old librarian who’s standing metres away from them.

Ben groans for the fifth time this hour, sinking into his chair. “No. No. No.”

“Oh, come on Ben,” Devi whines, punching his arm lightly. “Never knew you were a quitter.”

Ben stands up from his chair, and reluctantly walks up to the librarian, while Devi tries her best to hold back a laugh. “Mrs. Reed?” He says, and the woman in question looks back at him, perking an eyebrow up.

“Yes, Mr. Gross?”

“I seem…” Ben sighs, closing his eyes, preparing himself. “I seem to have lost my phone number.”

Mrs. Reed looks confused, crossing her arms. “Huh?”

“Can I have yours?” Ben asks, but it sounds strained, as if he’s forcing it out. His entire neck is completely red, his ears burning. Devi, who’s sitting a few tables away from them, stuffs her fist in her mouth to stop herself from giggling. 

“You… you need to use my phone?”

Ben buffers, partly opening his mouth, but no words come out. “For what?” Mrs. Reed asks, and at this point, Devi is doing all she can to try not to burst into laughter. Although she is bummed out that Mrs. Reed doesn't understand the pick-up line, somehow it's even more funnier to watch. 

“I… uh… nevermind. Okay, bye.” He immediately runs back to where Devi’s sitting, taking a seat on his chair and covering his crimson turned face with his hands. 

Devi waits for Mrs. Reed to walk away, and once she’s out of sight, she bursts into quiet laughter, eyes welling up with happy tears. “I hate you so much,” Ben mutters, and his words sound muffled from behind his hands. “Ugh, stupid bet! That was single-handedly one of the worst moments of my life.”

“You lost! It’s your fault. If I lost, I would have had to use the same pick-up line on Mr. Garrett, which would have turned out way worse.” Devi replies, still snickering. 

“That was so embarrassing! You made me hit on our librarian! And she’s sixty something!”

“Hey, ageism is not nice.” Devi jokes. “Plus, girls go through this type of embarrassment like… every prom season.”

“Huh?” Ben asks. He grabs his unopened Ring Pop from across the table, trying to hide the noise of the packet from any teachers that are around them. The library has a strict no food policy, and Devi assumes he doesn't want to embarrass himself even further. 

“You know how boys sometimes ask a girl to prom? I mean, it’s different if you’re dating. But when a guy puts so much effort into asking these girls to go to prom, but the girl doesn’t wanna go… it puts the girls in a tight spot. It’s traumatizing. And very embarrassing.” Devi says, mouth watering a little as she watches Ben try to open the wrapper.

“You’re saying that someone asking you to go to prom with them in a public setting would be the most traumatizing thing to happen to you?”

“Yep. Hundred percent. No joke.”

Ben suddenly smirks, and he shifts his gaze back and forth between the freshly opened Ring Pop in his hand, and Devi. She notices, awkwardly shifting in her chair. “Ben… what are you thinking?”

“I’ve been your nemesis since the first grade… and you’ve just told your long time nemesis what your biggest fear is. You’ve given me so much power… and knowledge… I can take revenge right now.” Ben drawls, twirling the candy ring with his fingers, smirking at Devi. 

“Haha. So funny. You won’t ever do that because I’ll _kill_ you.” She deadpans. There’s no way he's about to… well… no. Ben won’t do that. 

But she’s wrong, because in the blink of an eye, Ben is suddenly down on one knee in front of her, holding out the ring. Devi gets up from her chair, covering her mouth with her hands, because she cannot believe that this is actually happening right now.

“Devi Vishwakumar,” He announces loudly, and Devi knows he’s being this loud on purpose, to embarrass her even further. Everyone in the library whips their heads around, including teachers, who surprisingly haven’t started yelling at him yet for his loud volume. 

“Will you go to prom with me?”

Devi’s heart starts to race, and she knows she’s supposed to be super miffed, and that the normal thing for her to do would be to kick him until he goes unconscious, but instead her head spins in _glee_.

“Yes Ben Gross,” She replies, just as loud, hands trembling. She watches Ben’s mischievous smile fade into slight shock, and she knows she’s said something he didn’t expect. 

“I will go to prom with you.” 

The room bursts into cheers, and Ben slips the Ring Pop onto Devi's ring finger with widened eyes. He gets up, wrapping his arms around Devi with a big smile on his face. Devi laughs into his ear, and he’s laughing too, tickling her with his warm breath. People hoot and yell, saying it's ‘ _about time!’_ She can hear the sound of teachers scolding the students in the room, trying to quiet down everybody, but all she wants to focus on is the feeling of Ben pressed flush against her.

“You loser! I can’t believe you just asked me to prom… that too just to piss me off.” She whispers, closing her eyes.

“Hey! It’s better than going alone. Be happy that I’m sacrificing my image to help out a friend in need.” 

_A friend?_ Devi questions, but she pushes that to the back of her head, where a pile of all unwanted thoughts about Ben resides. She pulls him in closer, kneeing him lightly in his thigh. “I’m gonna kill you.”

“Well, make sure to kill me _after_ prom so you don’t have to go alone.”


	3. no matter what i say, i'm not over you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Devi knows she’s supposed to be pissed that her team lost, but instead, she finds herself lost in how beautiful Ben’s smile is. It’s so stupid, and annoying, and big, and… beautiful. His eyes crinkle up into little half moons, and there is something so wonderfully endearing about the way his teeth peek out beneath his soft, pink lips._
> 
> _The corners of her lips tug up subconsciously, and a little soft smile forms on her face. It’s not her fault that just watching him smile makes her smile. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t even feel like storming off in a temper tantrum, or beating him up with her shoe._
> 
> _She tells herself it’s because she’s matured, that she doesn’t get as angry as she used to. Self growth, she calls it. It has nothing to do with Ben Gross. Nothing._
> 
> _He looks at her fondly, and sticks his hand out. “Good game, David.”_
> 
> _She slips her hand into his, firmly shaking it twice (a key component to a good handshake that she’d learnt in business class), before sighing at the warmth of his skin._
> 
> _Something is going on with her, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, it definitely has to do with Ben Gross._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow... uh im so sad this is over :(
> 
> benvi are really my slowburn babies, and this fic was my way of exploring one out of many post-canon possibilities. i honestly wouldn't mind if the writers took some inspiration from my fic, because oh boy, what wouldn't i give to be able to see a ben and devi rain kiss, or ben and devi beyblading!
> 
> also, i made kamala date prashant in this fic - to be fair i don't know whether i think steve is a better option for her or whether it's prashant, but yeah :) she's an independent strong woman either way so...
> 
> i had to do a lot of research to figure out the ivy league acceptance process (esp cause im not american), so there's a huge possibility that i got it all factually wrong. if i did, im sorry :(
> 
> also, like usual, its rly hard for me to spell eleanor right. like its hilarious at this point LOL
> 
> anyways, go ahead! ignore any grammatical errors u see, i didnt get this beta-ed lol its my little lovely secret. enjoy <3 im really not that talented of a writer but i was so compelled to contribute something to this pairing that wasn't just a oneshot. im vv happy many of u enjoyed reading this tho... hopefully ill see yall soon again with another nhie fic :D
> 
> *btw, appa means father

Devi twirls in front of the mirror, glancing at the expressions of her Mom and cousin. “What do you think?”

Kamala squeals, excitedly bouncing on the bed. “Oh, Devi! You look stunning! Look at the way it compliments your hourglass figure. And oh. My. God! The sequins Rebecca added onto your dress are so beautiful! Exactly where they look the best. And red looks so good on you!”

Nalini groans with her arms crossed, a frown on her face. “Kanna, you look gorgeous. But it’s too tight on your body… I don’t know. It’s too revealing.” She complains, looking Devi’s dress up and down from where she’s standing next to her. “Mom!” Devi groans. “It’s a _half body con_ dress. It’s supposed to be tight on my body, but then it gets looser near my thighs. I’m not even showing off my boobs or anything!”

Nalini sighs, clicking her tongue. “Okay, fine. Just make sure no one steals your necklace, or your bracelet, or your earrings. Make sure your mascara doesn’t wash off. And also, make sure you don’t drink anything. Not even water. You don’t know if psychos will try to drug you! And if anyone touches you inappropriately, do not hesitate to tell your friends. Don't climb into a stranger's car-”

“Mom! You're picking me up. Remember? Plus, Ben will be there with me the whole night. I won’t get kidnapped."

Her mother places a hand on Devi’s shoulder, nodding. “I know. And I trust him. But remember- no kissing, no inappropriate touching, and absolutely _no_ sex!”

Devi almost gags, scrunching up her nose. “We aren’t _dating_ Mom. So will you spare me the sex talk?”

Kamala watches from afar, and Devi can feel her stare piercing through her. Her cousin had seen them kiss, so she definitely knows Devi is (or used to, she convinces herself) harboring some sort of un-nemesis-like feelings towards the Jewish boy.

After an agonizing talk about condoms with her mother, she's sent her off with Kamala. Before leaving, her mother places a hand on Devi’s cheek, and it surprises her, because Nalini rarely shows affection. "Kanna, you look so beautiful tonight. You’ve really grown up. I’m proud of you, and _Appa_ is too, okay?” She whispers, earnestly, and it makes Devi feel all sappy on the inside.

She nods, holding her mother's hand tightly. “Thank you.”

The ride to Sheridan Oaks High is quiet and awkward. Devi learns that Kamala is a very careful driver, and extremely slow. “It won’t hurt to press on the accelerator a bit more...” Devi mutters.

“Says the one who doesn’t even have a driver’s license yet.” The older one retorts, but with a smile on her face. “I know we talked about you and Ben that day when you found out I saw you both kissing at Malibu… and I respected your wish to not date Ben. But you’ve been hanging out with him so much since you broke up with Paxton, and now he’s taking you to prom? Is there something going on?”

“Nothing is going on, Kamala. We’re going together because we’re both single, and we don’t wanna fifth wheel the entire night. Plus, it’s fun to go with a friend.” Devi explains, and she’s trying to convince herself in the process too. It's not like it's completely outrageous to take a _friend_ to prom, right?

Her cousin opens her mouth as if she's about to argue, but she sighs instead. “Prashant always makes me laugh. He’s just as smart as me, so he’s good at challenging me. We’re interested in a lot of the same things, but we also have some different interests, which we’re both willing to learn about from the other. Being with him is fun, and it’s like we’re equals, yet opposites. Equal opposites, if that makes sense.”

Devi rolls her eyes, groaning. “That’s cute and all, but what does Prashant have to do with me and Ben?”

“A good relationship is just like what I described. I’ve met Paxton many times before, and he’s genuinely a really good guy. But I knew you two wouldn’t work out together, and it didn’t have anything to do with Ben, but because you two were just a little too different. And you were like a completely different person around him, not like how you are with us.”

Devi decides she can’t really argue with that… it’s why they broke up anyways.

“But with you and Ben… I don’t know. You’re unapologetically yourself with him. I can’t say whether what I just described fits you two, but you can ask yourself that.”

Devi thinks back to what Kamala said about Prashant. Ben makes her laugh, but Ben also can annoy her to pieces. He’s smart and challenges her. They both love a lot of the same things, but they have their differences as well. Ben is always willing to watch Riverdale with her, and she is willing to watch Rick and Morty with him, no matter how much either one doesn’t like it. Ben is similar to her, yet different, and she never gets tired of being around him.

“But we argue all the time… is that bad?”

“Every couple argues. You think John Legend and Christy-”

“ _Chrissy,”_ Devi corrects. 

“- _Chrissy_ Teigen don’t argue? Of course they do. Yeah, you two argue a lot more than the usual, but it’s more like a married couple bickering if you ask me. Do you have fun when bickering with Ben?”

Devi pauses, trying to relive every argument she’s had with Ben, reminding herself of the thrill she feels in her body when he retorts back with some dumb comeback. She thinks of the battle of wits they had in her room, while he was trying to steal the notebook from her. She thinks of the time she moved in with him, and how much fun she had arguing with him about certain movies and shows. She even goes all the way back to first grade, when she realized how addicting it was to piss him off, almost like a nicotine addiction that she couldn't get rid of (and still can't).

_Oh no._ She does have fun bickering with Ben.

They arrive at her school, and Devi scatters off before Kamala can prompt her to answer her question. “Stay safe!” Kamala yells from behind her, and Devi nods, more focused on trying to run in heels. Once she reaches the front foyer, she switches on her phone, swiping through her chats. 

**_Ben:_ ** _Call me David_

She taps the phone icon with shaky fingers, and brings her phone close to her ear. 

“Ben?”

_“Turn around.”_ She hears him say over the line, and so she does, heart pounding inside her chest. There he stands, in his well fitting dark blue suit and tie, and Devi would be lying if she says she doesn’t find him insanely attractive right now. Ben walks up to her after hanging up, looking her up and down. There isn't anything remotely creepy or unsettling about the way he takes her in right now- instead, he looks at her delicately, preciously… as if he's in _love_ with her.

“Wow, you look really good.” He chokes out, and Devi observes how his hands are shaking a little too. She slips her hand into his, and they intertwine their fingers together. The familiarity of it throws Devi off guard, and she looks up at Ben with curious eyes, wondering what it is about him that makes her think being with him is right. 

"You look quite dashing as well." She replies, and he laughs nervously at her compliment before leading her inside.

After walking inside, they try to find Fabiola and Eleanor, but are stopped by various students and teachers. They all congratulate them amid rumors of them dating, but Ben and Devi take turns shooting them down, telling them that they’re _‘just friends’_ . Devi thinks it should be a crime to have to say the phrase _‘we’re just friends’_ more than fifty times in an hour.

Despite all these rumors, they don’t let go of each other’s hand, wandering through the school gymnasium side by side. Eventually, they catch sight of Fabiola and Eleanor, who run up to them with drinks in their hands, and their dates follow.

“Look who it is… Devi Vishwakumar and Ben Gross!” Fabiola exclaims, trying to talk over the loud music. Eleanor shoots an ‘I-told-you-so’ look towards Devi, who rolls her eyes. “You both look great!” Eleanor compliments while tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“Wow. Never in my life did I ever think I’d see Ben and Devi take each other to prom.” Oliver mutters, accidentally loud enough for them to hear. Eleanor jabs her elbow into his stomach, forcing a smile before she drags him away. Devi doesn’t even question it.

“Uh, wanna go eat some good food?” Eve asks. Devi feels her stomach growl, and so she follows Eve to the food table eagerly, dragging Ben with her. 

For the next hour, the five chomp down on good food, and laugh and talk about various things. She loves how easily Ben gets along with the rest of her friends, as if he was meant to be part of their friend group even years ago. Even though Ben isn’t holding her hand anymore, she can feel him glued to her side, making sure she doesn’t go far away from him. She drowns in the scent of his perfume, and not even the smell of yummy chicken can overpower how good Ben smells.

“Why are you constantly standing next to me? You can go and talk to your other friends too, you know. I’m with Fab and El, don’t worry.” She says, pretending that she doesn't like how he's staying with her.

Ben swallows the chewed food in his mouth, and she watches his Adam’s apple bob up and down. Since when did he have such an attractive neck? “Your Mom called me before I left the house and told me that if I let anything happen to you, she’d kill me.”

“You have my Mom’s number?”

“Really? That’s what you’re worried about? My life is on the line, woman!”

Devi smacks Ben’s arm, suppressing her urge to smile. Really, she’s impressed that her Mom is more worried about Ben letting someone else do something to her, rather than Ben himself hurting her. It means that she really does trust the boy.

“Go, my love,” Devi says dramatically, in a mocking tone. “Go live your life.”

Ben rolls his eyes, and then he looks around them, making sure her friends aren’t paying attention to them. He leans in to press his lips against her cheek, and she she holds her breath while feeling his eyelashes tickle her forehead. It only lasts a split second before he pulls away, leaving Devi flustered. “Bye, my love. Till we meet again!” He replies just as dramatically, and although she knows he’s just playing around, Devi can’t help but still think of his lips on her skin even after he's gone.

“Devi, we’re all gonna go to the dance floor. Wanna come?” Fabiola asks loudly, struggling to speak over the music playing. She shakes her head, waving her hand nonchalantly. “Nah, I’m good. I’ll join you guys later. Go have fun!”

“We can’t leave you alone. Where’s Ben?”

“He’s coming,” Devi answers. “Now go! Have fun on that dance floor like the sexy dancing powerhouse I know you are!”

With that, soon Devi is left alone, still standing near the food table. She continues to chow down chicken nuggets so that she can drown out her weird thoughts about Ben, especially after the kiss he'd given her. From the corner of her eye, she can see a jock near her, and she struggles to recognize him.

“Devi Vishwakumar, right?” He says, with a drink in his hand. She can tell from the strong smell coming from his mouth that the drink in his hand is definitely _not_ just apple juice. “Who are you?” She asks. “I’m Gordon? I only know you cause you used to date Paxton H-Y. You’re pretty hot, especially in that dress.”

Devi shifts uncomfortably, starting to understand her Mom’s words. She really thinks it's a shame that women are expected to dress conservatively just to feel safe. Why can’t men keep their dicks in their pants instead? Here she is, barely even showing off anything, yet still being approached creepily by a random boy. “Uh… thanks?”

“Do you want to dance?" He asks, as he gets way too close to her. He places his hand on her waist, squeezing it, and it makes Devi want to throw up. She shoves his arm away from her. “No thanks.” She deadpans, her heart sinking into her stomach in fear. 

Devi knows how to defend herself, and she knows she’s a force not to be reckoned with, but she’s terrified at how helpless she feels being put into this situation. “Can you back away? Don’t touch me.” She demands again, walking away from him, but for every step she takes back, he takes two steps forward. 

“Why? You’re single now, right? You’re not dating Ben Gross, like everyone thought.” He drawls, dragging his fingers across her bare arm. Devi starts to panic, her mind betraying her as it becomes foggy. Where’s Ben? Why did she have to send him off at such a horrible time?

“Stop it!” She exclaims, trying to escape from his grip on her, but he doesn’t let go. 

Suddenly, she feels someone grab her other arm and yank her backwards with incredible force. Her arm is pulled out of Gordon’s grip, the marks of his fingers stinging. She wonders if his friend has tag-teamed her, and that this is her final goodbye to the world, but she realizes he smells _familiar_. She looks up and her tension deflates after seeing who it is.

“Back off.” Ben seethes, and his jaw is clenched. He stands protectively in front of Devi as she clutches onto his arm. Gordon rolls his eyes, towering over Ben. “Well, if it isn't Ben Gross. The man himself! You may have grown a few inches, but you’re still that same short loser you were in freshman year.”

Ben clenches his fist, looking up at Gordon without a hint of fear in his eyes- only anger. “You think you’re hot shit, don’t you? Why don’t you get the fuck out of here before you’re reported and your athletic scholarship is terminated? Because I can assure you that the teachers won’t have a hard time taking our side over yours.”

At the sound of losing his scholarship, Gordon widens his eyes, and brings his hands up in surrender. He retreats backwards, shaking his head and muttering something to himself, and eventually he disappears into the crowd. Ben still seems mad as he runs a hand through his hair. "If you want, we can still report that motherfucker. What do you want to do?" He asks Devi, and his cheeks are still flushed red with anger. 

"It's- it's fine. No need." She murmurs, and by the way Ben's looking at her, she knows he's unwilling to let Gordon off so easily, but he nods. "If that's what you want."

“Ben, you don’t have to stay here-”

He circles an arm around her waist and pulls her close, and she almost stumbles at the sudden movement. “Now I’m never leaving you alone,” He says, and the anger in his eyes morphs into worry when he bends his head down to glance at her. “No amount of convincing will make me think it’s okay to leave you, even for five seconds.”

Devi sighs, looking into Ben’s eyes, noticing how much darker they get when he’s mad. “I won’t tell my Mom about this. She won’t actually kill-”

“Devi! You think I’m worried about your Mom killing me? No! I’m worried about _you_ , because I don’t want _you_ getting hurt. I know you’re feisty and strong, but it’s hard to defend yourself in certain situations. If I hadn’t come back now, then…”

She feels her heart swell at the thought of Ben worrying about her this much, and she lets herself melt into his arms. “But you came back at the right time. So let’s not worry about that right now.”

A few minutes pass as they watch the crowd in front of them. Eventually, she relaxes, the anxiety from her encounter with Gordon slowly dissipating.

“Do you want to dance?” Ben asks, and Devi nods, beaming at him. They walk to the dance floor hand-in-hand, and stand in front of each other once they find an open space. The song switches, and a soft ballroom dance tune starts playing. Ben places his hand on the small of Devi’s back, her hand on his shoulder, and their free hands finally meet. Together they sway to the music, their feet in perfect sync to the beating of Devi’s heart. She figures it’s kind of ironic, the fact that two people who spend so much time bickering can dance together this well.

As the song progresses, both of them relax, and Devi allows a small smile to form on her lips. Ben’s eyes are blue as spring rain, deep and beautiful. And although she feels that she doesn’t even compare to the beauty of his past girlfriends, the way he’s staring at her now makes her feel intoxicatingly special.

“I wasn’t expecting you to say yes, you know. To being my prom date.” He says, as he spins Devi elegantly. “Then what were you expecting me to do?” She asks as she twirls, the bottom of her dress splaying out. 

“I don’t know,” Devi stops spinning, and she’s brought face to face with Ben. “I guess I was just expecting you to say no, and then yell at me angrily. And then I’d bask in the glory of having pissed you off, even if I’d embarrassed myself in front of everyone in the library.”

Ben’s hand on her waist pulls her closer, and the warmth between them grows more powerful by the second. “So are you disappointed I said yes? That you actually had to take your nemesis to prom?”

He shrugs, grinning slightly. “Eh, I’m not _too_ mad about it. I’m very lucky my nemesis is pretty darn cool, and that I'm spending prom night with her and her friends.” 

Devi chuckles, and her heartbeat grows steadily with every compliment he gives her. He clears his throat, raising his eyebrows. “Although, I wonder if _she’s_ disappointed to be going to prom with her childhood nemesis?”

She laughs at the skeptical expression on his face, shaking her head. “No. I think she’s very glad to be spending time with a guy who can make her laugh.”

They sway to the music, and with each passing second, they come closer and closer to one another. Eventually, Devi’s face is so close to Ben's that she can feel his breath on her lips. She struggles to look up at him, so she focuses her gaze on his collar instead. 

“Ben. Why did you not tell me you were tutoring Paxton?”

He stiffens, and stumbles a bit. “What? How do you know?” He chokes out, and Devi uses all her strength to make eye contact with him. “Paxton told me the day we broke up. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have at least thanked you.”

“Well, we weren’t really talking then, and I knew you’d get mad if you found out I was his tutor. Also, I swear I didn’t decide to tutor him so I could pry about your relationship or anything. I decided to tutor him because he broke down in front of me about how he was afraid he wouldn’t graduate, and… I felt bad. So then I offered to help him.”

“Is that why you were so adamant on me not breaking up with Paxton in the car? You kept on pushing me to talk things over with him. Is it because you were basically friends with him in junior year? Because you liked him?”

“Yeah. Paxton is a good guy. He really did care about you. Also... although we kept me tutoring him a secret from everyone at school, he was a really good friend to me outside of Sheridan High. I was basically getting paid to have nice company."

Devi sighs, closing her eyes. She knows he's lying about getting paid, and so she debates on telling Ben she knows about everything Rebecca told her, but ends up deciding against it. “Ben, you’re a really good person too. You know that, right?”

Ben shakes his head, scoffing. “Not really, but okay.”

“I’m serious. You’ve always cared about me, you’ve always done things for me and other people without wanting anything in return. And I’ve never done anything nice for you. For fuck’s sake, you let me move in with you! You consoled me the first night I slept over at your house. You helped me reconcile with my friends and you got me to spread my Dad’s ashes. You let me date Paxton even though you wanted to make things official that day. And even now, you watch my stupid shows with me even though you hate them, you console me when I’m feeling like shit, you challenge me to do better academically.” Devi gets increasingly frustrated as she starts to rant.

He looks at her exasperatedly, and they stop dancing. “Devi-”

“No, Ben! You tolerate my bullshit, even when I get mad at you for no reason. And what have I done for you? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. So why are you still here, Ben? Why are you still caring for me?” Devi stops rambling, and she takes in a deep breath, trying not to cry. She’s been wanting to get this off her chest for so long, but actually doing it is something she never thought she could do.

“You really think you’ve done nothing for me?”

She nods, pouting. After seconds of silence, he brings his hand to her cheek, tenderly holding the curve of her jaw. “Devi. You’re _so_ wrong. You became my friend when I needed someone the most. And for that, I’m more grateful than ever.”

She looks up at him sadly, guilt overwhelming her. “But then I stopped talking to you in junior year, Ben. I hurt you.” 

Ben shakes his head, laughing softly. “No, Devi. _We_ stopped talking to _each other_. It was a natural shift. Honestly, seeing you happy was enough for me. The occasional class banter every once in a while was enough for me. You helped me in so many more ways than you think. Remember that family dinner? Remember the $5 Venmo? Remember the time you spent with me when you moved in? You gave me company! And during our one week fling, I was so happy-”

“And then I broke your heart...”

“You did _not_ break my heart, David. I wasn’t some pathetic loser who was crying in his pillow every night. Do _not_ dumb me down to that." He says, crinkling his eyebrows together. "I moved on from you because you were in a relationship of your choice. And being friends with you in sophomore year made it so much easier to make other friends, to show initiative in saying hi to new people. And we’re friends now, right? You helped me a lot. You're even here as my prom date so that I didn't have to go alone. So don’t go beating yourself up over nothing. Okay?”

Devi looks up into his eyes as she nods, and then something in the way Ben’s looking at her changes. He stares at her, adoringly, and then desperately. Suddenly, his expression looks urgent, as if he has something he badly wants to get off his chest. Devi feels giddy and nervous, wondering what he’s about to tell her. 

“Devi, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now. This might make things awkward, and maybe I’ve been reading the signs wrong, but I think I might li-”

“Devi! Ben! Where the hell were you two?” The two turn around to see Fabiola carrying a really drunk Eleanor, as she struggles to drag her near the two. Ben lets his hands drop from Devi, and he sighs frustratedly. “Is she drunk?” He asks incredulously, half in annoyance and half in confusion. Devi curses internally at not being able to hear what Ben wanted to say to her. 

“I don’t know! How does one get drunk from drinking _apple juice_?” Fabiola retorts, clearly miffed.

Devi groans, slapping her forehead. “The jocks added tequila to the apple juice. I could smell the alcohol from one of their cups. How much did she drink?” 

Fabiola sighs tiredly. Devi moves to stand on the other side of Eleanor, so that all of the drunk girl's weight isn’t on Fabiola. “Clearly too much! Ugh… Eve and Oliver already left for the after party at Rob’s house.” She explains, eyes bloodshot.

“Well, I guess we can't go to the after party anymore." Ben says, frowning. 

"My mom is supposed to pick us three up tonight, but if she sees Eleanor drunk, she’ll freak out! I’ll be grounded till graduation!” Devi exclaims, throwing the drunk one’s arm around her neck. She looks at where Ben is standing, and he seems to be in deep thought. As she stares at the boy, she realizes that he’s the answer to their problem.

“Ben… my lovely prom date…” Devi starts, with a huge smile on her face. Ben’s eyebrows furrow together in suspicion. “Oh no… why’d you start off the sentence like that? What crime do you want me to commit for you?” He asks warily. 

“Can you drive us home?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No! I’m tired… and you all live so far apart from each other!”

“Pweety please?” Devi asks with a fake baby voice, trying to mimic a puppy face, but Ben doesn’t fall for it.

“No! I think I had some of the laced apple juice too, and I don’t wanna go to jail at the ripe age of eighteen for drinking and driving.”

“You did not! I couldn’t smell any alcohol when you kissed my cheek. Don’t lie!”

“He kissed your cheek?!” Fabiola exclaims, and Eleanor perks up. Apparently, even when drunk, she’s still able to be invested in Devi and Ben’s relationship progression. 

“Oh my god! Do you want this awkward conversation to continue or will you just drive us home and save us minutes of unconvincing explanations?” Devi begs, grabbing onto Ben's arms, shaking it.

He groans, and pulls his car keys out of his pocket. “Let’s go.”

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

“Let’s go Ben! Let’s go Ben! Let’s go Ben!” 

“Eleanor! Come on Eleanor! You got this!”

The group of seniors stand around a table in the cafeteria, hooting and yelling at the beyblades spinning in the plastic rink placed in the center. Ben stands on a chair with his hands folded together, a concentrated look on his face as he watches his blue beyblade twirl ferociously, bumping into Eleanor’s orange one repeatedly.

“Boo, Gross! Come on El!” Devi yells from the other side of the table. She’s seated beside Eleanor, who’s also standing up on a chair, like the blue eyed boy. The rest of the students in the cafeteria peer curiously at the group, wondering what all the commotion is about. 

“What the hell is going on here?” Eric whispers in Devi’s ear from behind, startling her. 

“Beyblade match. Fab found her old beyblades so she brought them to school in an attempt to cure our major senioritis. Ben and Eleanor are battling each other. If he wins this one, it’ll only take one more win before his team wins. Me and Eve are on Team El. Jonah and Fabiola are on Team Ben. Pick a side, Eric!” Devi explains rapidly, and Eric blinks in confusion.

“Beyblades? What are you guys, five? They're so old now-" Eric shuts up when he sees Devi glare at him, and he gulps nervously. "Team Ben, I guess.” He responds, and Devi scrunches her face up in disgust. “You’re gonna be on Gross’ side?” She asks incredulously. 

“Fine! I’ll be the mediator.” He huffs, and walks to the other side of the table to stand next to Ben’s team. Devi scoffs, rolling her eyes. Suddenly, everyone next to her starts groaning, while the people across her cheer.

“Yes! Team Gross bags one more point!” Ben yells, and he gets off his chair to do a group cheer with Fabiola and Jonah. 

“One more win and _your_ team loses, Eleanor.” Fabiola asserts, crossing her arms. Eleanor grumbles under her breath, taking her beyblade off the rink angrily. “We won’t let you win. All we need is one point to beat you guys.” She says confidently, and Oliver passes her a water bottle.

“Anyways, since Devi’s already battled Jonah, Eve’s already battled Fab, and El just battled with Ben, everyone’s already gone once. Right?” Eric asks loudly, and everyone nods. 

“Okay then. Since both teams only need one point to win, this becomes the determining round. So, each team can decide on who to send out for the final match.” He announces dramatically. 

Both Fabiola and Jonah immediately point to Ben, who smiles. “Sure thing. Who wants to battle me?” He asks, with a challenging tone, as he twirls his beyblade in his hand. Devi ignores the butterflies she feels arising in her stomach. Confidence really suits the boy. It suits him a little _too_ much for her to handle.

Devi grabs the beyblade from Eleanor’s hand, slamming one of her hands onto the table. “I’ll battle you, Gross.” 

The rest of them watch excitedly, perking up at the sound of a much awaited battle between the two longtime rivals. Ben scoffs, placing his two hands on the table, and leans his face close to hers. 

“You sure, David? You’re gonna be so embarrassed when you _lose._ ” He teases, with a smirk on his face, and Devi’s breath hitches at how close his face is to hers. She fakes a smirk that mirrors his, leaning in even closer, tuning out various gasps around them. 

“Don’t get too cocky, Gross.” Devi replies, hushedly. She can swear she catches his eyes flicker down to her lips, but the lust in his gaze only lasts for a split-second before it switches to a challenging glare. 

Eric clears his throat, and the two take that as their signal to start the match already. Devi inserts her Turbo Winder into the Blade Base, and she hovers it over the Attack Ring, waiting for Ben to finish setting up his parts. Once the two are ready, Eric loudly booms a countdown.

“Three,” 

Ben looks up at her with a smirk. Her heart does a back-flip.

“Two,”

_Focus!_ Devi reminds herself, but all she can think of is how attractive Ben is when he’s confident. Since when did she start thinking Ben being cocky is cool? She swears she’s spent half her life just complaining about his fat ego to her friends and family.

“One,”

His eyes flit to the blade in his hands, and Devi knows she’s supposed to take that as a warning to start focusing on the match, but all she can think about is how big Ben’s hands are-

“Go!”

Ben lets his beyblade rip, and then he blinks at Devi confusedly, wondering why she's standing still. “ _Shit!_ ” Devi mutters, and she yanks her Turbo Winder, watching as her beyblade hits the bottom of the Attack Ring, but it’s too late. She’s messed up her killer strategy, and it’s all thanks to being distracted by Ben Gross. 

The two beyblades bump against each other, and Devi watches in agony, hoping that accidentally spinning her beyblade late won't make her lose, but it takes only a matter of time before her beyblade twirls slower, and then eventually halts. 

“Woo!” Ben screams in victory, pumping his fists up. His team members yell ferociously around him, patting him on the back and jumping around with each other.

Devi knows she’s supposed to be pissed that her team lost, but instead, she finds herself lost in how beautiful Ben’s smile is. It’s so stupid, and annoying, and big, and… beautiful. His eyes crinkle up into little half moons, and there is something so wonderfully endearing about the way his teeth peek out beneath his soft, pink lips. 

The corners of her lips tug up subconsciously, and a soft little smile forms on her lips. It’s not her fault that just watching him smile makes her smile. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t even feel like storming off in a temper tantrum, or beating him up with her shoe.

She tells herself it’s because she’s _matured,_ that she doesn’t get as angry as she used to. _Self growth,_ she calls it. It has nothing to do with Ben Gross. Absolutely _nothing_.

He looks at her fondly, and sticks his hand out. “Good game, David.”

She slips her hand into his, firmly shaking it twice (a key component to a good handshake that she’d learnt in business class), before sighing at the warmth of his skin.

Something is going on with her, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, it definitely has to do with Ben Gross. 

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

Devi sits at the kitchen counter, flipping through her textbook. Studying is really tiresome for her, and honestly, if it wasn’t for her rivalry with Ben, she doesn’t know if she’d be motivated to keep up with her studies at _all._

Her phone convulses on the table, startling her. She tiredly reaches for it, and her eyes widen at seeing who’s calling her. 

Devi’s thumb hesitantly hits the green phone icon, and she brings the device close to her ear. 

“Paxton?”

_“Hey Devi,”_ He says over the line, sounding just as tired as her. _“Happy birthday! Sorry for calling so late. I didn’t have time in the morning.”_

Devi smiles, and she gets up, walking to the kitchen counter to get herself a cup of water. “Thanks, Paxton. It’s really nice of you to call.”

_“Yeah, of course. It’s no problem. Anyways, how are you?”_

“I’m good. You?”

_“Same. I’m good.”_

For a few seconds, no one says anything, as they awkwardly wait for the other to speak. When it’s clear Paxton doesn’t know how to continue this conversation, Devi clears her throat and tries to take initiative.

“I heard you’re dating someone.” She blurts out, and immediately cringes. _Way to go, Devi. Asking your ex about his current relationship? Really?_ She thinks, facepalming.

_“Uh… yeah. I am. Rebecca told you, didn’t she?”_

Devi snorts, nodding her head even though he can’t see her. “Yep.” She responds, and he groans. She brings the glass cup to her lips, gulping some water. _“Well, Rebecca also told me that you and Ben-”_

She chokes, sputtering some water out. “We are not dating!” She exclaims defensively, coughing. 

_“She didn’t say anything about you two dating… she just said you two went to prom with each other. I was gonna tell you I’m glad you finally got to go to prom… But judging by your reaction, is something else going on with you and him?”_

_Oh shit,_ Devi thinks. “Literally nothing is going on." 

_"I don't know, kinda seems like you had that reaction locked and loaded..."_

"Because everyone is convinced we’re in _love_ with each other. You’d think we’d know ourselves better than others, right?”

Paxton makes an _eh_ sound, and she can imagine him shrugging. _“To be honest… I saw some pictures of you guys at prom that y’all posted on Instagram. And you two look at each other like you... don’t hate each other. You know what I mean?”_

Devi’s mouth is agape, as she struggles to process the fact that her ex is trying to tell her that she is in love with someone else. “We’re friends. Of course we don’t _hate_ each other-”

_“Devi,”_ He says, chuckling softly. _“I know you well enough. You like this dude! And I can definitely tell my boy likes you back. So what are you waiting for?”_

“What? Paxton,” She quiets down so that her Mom doesn’t overhear her conversation from the upper floor. “You’re telling me that I should _date_ him?!”

_“Why not?”_

She finds all of this so weird. She’d spent most of her high school life dealing with this internal battle, of which boy made her heart beat faster. In sophomore year, one had told her to date the other. And now in senior year, the one that she originally went for is telling her to go for the other. It all makes her head hurts, so she decides to avert the topic.

“Enough about me. What’s your girlfriend like?” Devi asks, trying to shift the focus of the conversation to him and not her. _“She’s cool. We’re going strong.”_ Paxton responds curtly, and Devi feels genuinely happy and relieved knowing that he’s fully moved on, although she doesn’t expect anything less of him.

“That sounds great. When you come back home and all of us are on our summer break, you should bring her with you to hang out. Me, you, your girlfriend, Trent, Fab, El, Jonah, Eve, Oliver, maybe some of your college friends… if you’d be cool with me meeting them, of course.” 

_“Of course I’d be cool with that.”_ Paxton answers affirmatively, and Devi’s relieved at the difference in his answer from months ago in the park.

_“You can also bring your boyfriend- sorry, I mean Ben.”_ Paxton jokes, laughing. Devi groans, rolling her eyes. She’s about to reply until the sound of her doorbell interrupts her. 

“Sorry Paxton. Someone’s at the door. It was really nice talking to you! Let’s do it more often.”

_“Yeah, same here. Take it easy, Vishwakumar. Goodnight.”_

“Goodnight!” She hangs up the call, and places her phone on the kitchen counter before walking up to the front door. She turns the doorknob, and swings the door open, only to see the unexpected.

“Ben?”

“Hi,” The blue-eyed boy chirps, with an adorable smile on his face. “I’m here to take you somewhere.”

Devi crinkles her eyebrows together in confusion. “Where? And why? Plus, it’s like eight in the night. My Mom will kill me if I-”

“I already asked her,” He replies, stepping closer to the main entrance of her house. “Now will you come?” He extends his arm out, palm facing the dark sky as he waits for her to give in. Devi sighs, before slipping her hand into his. The door closes shut behind them, as she follows him into his car. 

Ben drives with ease, but his foot nervously moves up and down. “Where are we going? It’s my birthday, c’mon. I do _not_ want to get kidnapped on my birthday.” Devi questions. Ben scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“I know it’s your birthday, David. I just didn’t get to see you in school today, so I thought I might as well just do it now.”

“Do what now?”

“You’ll see.” He answers offhandedly, turning to look at her with a soft smile. 

Devi sighs tiredly. Her birthday is an annual event, where she gets tons of attention from people, who wish her and talk to her and give her gifts, but today, she’s exhausted from having to talk to so many people. Most of all, she's spent her whole day sulking, because she hadn't seen Ben once during the school day. So Ben showing up at her doorstep (again, _completely_ uninvited) is admittedly shocking.

But deep inside, she's sad that for the third year in a row, her birthday wish still hasn't been fulfilled- to be able to see her father one last time.

She guesses that Ben is probably taking her to a park, or a restaurant. But some places they drive by look familiar, and the route seems to be one she’s taken before.

Eventually, the car stops, and Ben parks hesitantly. Devi struggles to clearly see out of the tinted windows in the darkness, and she squints her eyes trying to make out their surroundings. He looks at her nervously, his leg still bouncing up and down. 

Devi spots a cliff, and then suddenly realizes where she is. “Malibu? On my birthday?”

Ben shrugs. “I just figured, this place was special for your Dad right? So I thought it was only fair his daughter got to visit him on his birthday.”

Devi’s heart melts at Ben’s gesture. How does he know her so well? How does he know that she's been thinking about her father this entire day? Her heart drops when she remembers this was exactly where they were when she’d crushed her lips onto his two years ago. 

His eyes are glued to her face, worried that she doesn’t like the idea. “But if you feel like this is a bad idea, I can drive you back-”

“No! Let’s go.” Devi answers, and she gets out of the car. 

They grasp onto each other as they walk down the steep pathway, but Devi lets go early, running bravely towards the beach, and Ben screeches behind her, scared to fall. Eventually, he slowly makes his way down, and runs to where she’s standing.

Devi feels a sense of calmness overwhelming her, as she looks upon the dark blue waves. The moon is out, and the moonlight reflects off of the water, creating a beautiful scenery. She takes off her shoes and walks towards the water, letting the ocean touch her feet. She imagines her father is in the water, his ashes travelling across the world. 

“You can talk to him,” Ben suggests from where he’s watching her. “I can leave you alone if that’s more comfortable for you.”

Devi shakes her head, pulling him close to her. “No, I want us to talk to him together.”

He nods slowly, smiling. “Hi Dad,” She starts off, and she can feel herself beginning to get emotional. “Princeton will get back to me soon about whether I made it in or not. I can’t wait to know if I got in.”

Ben chuckles. “Hi Mr. Vishwakumar. Do you think I’ll make it into Yale?” He asks innocently, and Devi’s heart melts at seeing Ben this soft. “My Dad would tell you not to fret even if you don’t make it in. There are plenty of other great universities in the world.” Devi says, gently hitting his shoulder with her’s.

“You should keep that in mind too. But I'm sure you’ll make it into Princeton.”

Devi sighs, wanting to avert the topic. Thinking about university applications stresses her out. “So, Dad. How are you? I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I have great friends, I’m getting along with Mom, Kamala is great.”

She edges her hand towards Ben’s ever so slightly, until she feels her fingertips brush against his. He unfurls his fingers and lets hers slip around his, and she relishes in the heat of his palm pressed against hers. “Ben and I are getting along,” She says, turning to look at him. “I think you would like the sound of that.” 

She can feel tears threatening to spill out, so she bites her lip to stop them from falling. “Your Dad would be very proud of you.” Ben states, squeezing her hand. Devi can tell he’s noticed that she’s about to cry, and her heart swells at how he is paying close attention to her yet again.

Ben slips his hand out of hers, and Devi frowns at the loss of warmth, but then he’s pulling out something from his pocket. He brings his hand towards her, and his fingers are curled into a fist, hiding what’s inside. 

“I got you a birthday present,” He says, looking at her through his lashes. “Remember how you brought me chocolates at my birthday party on sophomore year? I still have the box.” He chuckles, and his blue eyes glint in the moonlight. Devi mirrors his expression, the corners of her lips tugging up. “You do?” She asks, gleaming. She wasn’t expecting a birthday present, but more than that, hearing that he still has that stupid white chocolate box makes her feel _things_ she doesn’t want to think about. 

His fingers relax, and he reveals what he’s holding. Inside his palm lies a locket necklace; golden, glimmering and beautiful. Devi takes it from his hand, admiring it. “Wow, I mean… thank you Ben…" She replies, in awe.

“I didn’t want to buy you something with my parents’ money, so I bought it with the money I got from tutoring. It’s real gold.” He admits, sounding a little shy. Devi’s heart drops, and butterflies arise in her stomach. “You used your tutoring money on me?!” She exclaims, feeling guilty. He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck with his hand, shrugging. “It’s no big deal. Anyways, the real gift is what's inside the locket. I wanted it to hold meaning, you know?”

Devi raises an eyebrow. She tentatively opens the heart shaped locket, making sure not to break it. Her eyes widen at what’s inside.

Inside, there are four picture slots. One slot has a picture of her with her parents, another is her with Fabiola and Eleanor, the third is her with Kamala, and the fourth is empty. “Oh my god… Ben… I…” She struggles to formulate a sentence, completely swept off her feet. Ben always manages to surprise her, and this time is no different.

“Since you’re going to university, I know you’re worried about missing your family and friends. They mean a lot to you, even though you don’t show it often. So, I thought this was a good way to give you something to remember them with.” He explains. “The fourth is empty because, well, I thought you could add a picture of your choice. Any other person or thing that’s important to you, that you want with you all the time.”

_Any other person?_ Devi can only think of one more person she always wants to spend her time with, one more person that she wants with her all the time, and he’s standing next to her right now. He’s the blue eyed boy staring at her, with a cute smile on his face. 

She drags her gaze up from the necklace in her hand, to the boy beside her. Devi doesn’t know how to express how grateful she is, how lovely this present is, how this kind gesture of his has made it to the very long list of the many things she’s thankful to him for. 

So she throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly, hoping that her actions will replace the responsibility of words and speak for itself. She nuzzles her head into the burrow of his neck, breathing in the scent of his jean jacket. He takes a while to wrap his arms around her, in shock from the sudden embrace.

“Thank you,” She sighs into his ear, holding him tighter. “Thank you so much, Ben. I love it.”

Ben relaxes, and he cups the back of her head with one hand, squeezing her waist with the other. “Thank god,” He murmurs in relief. “I was starting to think it wasn’t a good idea.”

“No, Gross. You’re a genius. You brought me to Malibu beach to talk to my Dad. You gave me this beautiful necklace. I couldn’t be any more grateful, Ben. I love it.” She responds earnestly, hoping that he’ll believe her, because there isn’t a single lie that’s escaped her mouth tonight. 

Ben pulls away from her after two minutes, and they awkwardly make eye contact. He takes the necklace from her hands, and turns her around. Ben moves her hair to the side, and his fingers brush the nape of her neck, causing her goosebumps to rise up. Devi shudders at how good his fingers feel against her bare skin. 

He circles the chain around her neck, and secures it at the back, letting it rest on her shoulders. Devi spins around to face him, cheeks flushed red. 

“Happy birthday, Devi.” Ben says, smiling.

She lets thoughts swirl in her head, and the butterflies in her stomach don’t dissipate like she expected them to- they get worse. Why is she feeling these things around him? There’s no way that she’s…

Is she in love with him?

Ben’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and he slips it out with a disappointed look on his face. “It’s your Mom,” He says, and Devi groans. “I had to beg her to be able to take you out. She gave me a strict time limit- 8:00 to 10:00 pm. It’s time for me to take you home.”

She pretends like she isn’t ridiculously saddened that her alone time with Ben is over before she can even sort out her weird feelings for him, and instead plasters a smile on her face, dragging him to the pathway back up. 

“I’m going to need you to print something. It’s the picture Fabiola took of us two at the school park. My printer broke a while ago, so…” Devi says. 

“Why do you need to print that picture? To paste it in your death note?”

“Ugh, no you dumbass! I need it for the fourth slot in my locket.”

Ben lights up, grinning like a fool at her words, and Devi suppresses a smile at his adorable reaction. She really can’t imagine her life without this idiot. 

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

It’s a cloudy Friday evening, with a stormy sky and a cold breeze sweeping through Southern California. Various seniors are bunched up in different groups, scattered through the cafeteria after school. It’s been like this since March, since universities had started sending out acceptance letters.

But today is different. Today is especially stressful. It’s Ivy Day; considered the doomsday for high achieving students. All the ivy league colleges release regular admissions decisions online on this date, at the exact same time. 

Ben nervously rocks back and forth on his chair, and Devi mirrors him from where she's sitting in front of him. “What if I don’t make it?” He mutters.

Devi is too busy worrying about her own wish to get accepted by Princeton, her Mom’s words running through her head like a broken tape recorder. It’ll be over for her if she doesn't get an admission. Four years of working hard (and praying hard), directly going to waste. 

“Chill, Ben. Look at your grades! Your clubs! There’s no way Yale hasn’t accepted you.” Eve says, patting his shoulder. The rest of their friends already received acceptance emails from their preferred universities, and now the entire group is bunched around Devi and Ben, the two ivy league contenders, waiting for them to find out.

Devi feels a vibration in her pocket, and she yelps, pulling her phone out to view the new notification. “It’s five pm.” She says to Ben, gulping. He takes a deep breath, opening up his laptop. 

Devi clicks on Princeton’s website to check her status update. She types in her login information with shaky fingers. Ben does the same, but for his Yale application. 

“It’s so laggy.” Ben complains, exasperatedly waiting for his to load. There’s expected heavy traffic on the sites. Devi’s finally loads, and she yelps, before preparing herself to look. She reads through everything, chewing on her lips anxiously. Ben looks up at her, nervously studying Devi’s expression as she reads the decision.

“- we are glad to tell you that you’ve been accepted into Princeton!” She reads out loud, and follows it with a happy scream as she jumps up and down excitedly. All of her friends yell with her, cheering and whooping. Ben beams, grinning widely as he stands up with his arms extended wide, and she runs towards him, squealing as he picks her up off her feet and spins her around. 

He brings her down after a few seconds, but doesn’t let go of her. “I’m so happy for you!” He exclaims excitedly, and Devi warmly smiles, feeling overwhelmingly happy at how genuine his words sound. 

“Devi, yay! I’m so happy for you.” Jonah says, clapping. “Oh, Ben, the site finally loaded.” He adds on, pointing to Ben’s laptop screen. 

Ben runs to it excitedly, and with his fingers crossed, he reads it. Devi feels incredibly overjoyed at the Princeton news, and so she watches him with a wide smile, but she can feel something is wrong when Ben’s grin falls.

“Fuck…” Ben curses. “I didn’t make it in.” 

And just like that, Devi’s happiness fizzles out, replaced with sympathy for Ben. She walks up to him immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in tightly without saying anything. The rest of the group silently looks on, not commenting on their increased touchiness.

She can feel Ben choke back a quiet sob, and her heart breaks for him. “Hey… Don’t cry.” She whispers into his ear, and the rest of their friends circle them, trying to comfort him. Devi knows telling him not to cry is easier said than done, because it’s all he’s ever wanted. Ever since first grade, Ben had been set on going to Yale, and Devi was set on going to Princeton.

“Listen,” She says, pulling away from him. Ben bites his lip, and his eyes seem glossy. “Yale is for nerds anyways. Honestly, job employers won’t hire someone just because they went to Yale. And you did nothing wrong! You have killer grades, killer extracurriculars, great work experience, perfect fucking GPA… this is on them. Yale sucks ass.” She states, and for some reason, she genuinely feels angry at the university for not accepting him. 

Ben slightly smiles, nodding his head. “You’re right, Devi. I just always expected to get accepted. Shouldn’t have stroked my own ego so much...”

“My older brother says going to Yale isn’t worth it. Honestly, the only thing you can get from going there is bragging rights about going to an ivy league university.” Fabiola says, trying to cheer Ben up, but it doesn’t really work.

He looks down at Devi, faking a smile. “David, you should go tell your Mom about Princeton!” He says, and Devi lights up at the reminder of the one reason she wanted to go to Princeton- to make her mother proud. 

“Coolio. I’ll come back real quick!” She exclaims, before running out of the cafeteria. Once she’s in a quiet hallway, she rings her Mom, all jittery. 

_“Hello? Kanna, what’s wrong?”_

Devi holds back happy tears, as she struggles to find the right words to say. This is a huge moment of her life, and she doesn’t want to mess it up. “Mom,” She starts off, biting her lip. “I got into Princeton!” She exclaims, and can hear a sigh on the other side of the line. Then, the sigh turns into screaming, well, _happy_ screaming, and she can hear Kamala in the background squealing too.

_“Devi! I’m so proud of you!”_ Nalini says, and Devi’s sure she’s about to faint at hearing those words from her mother’s mouth. “You are?” She asks, with a hushed tone. _“Yes! You worked very hard to get in. Of course I’m proud of you!”_

“You think Dad is too?” Devi asks, and her Mom laughs. _“Of course he is, kanna. Congratulations!”_ She replies, making Devi extremely happy.

_“What about your friends? Fabiola and Eleanor?”_

“Oh yeah, didn’t I tell you yesterday? El got into University of California to pursue theatre, and Fabiola got into her preferred robotics course at Carnegie Mellon. Cool, right?”

_“Very. What about Ben?”_

Her heart sinks into her stomach at the sound of his name, and she feels extremely sad yet again at the reminder. “He didn’t make it into Yale.” She answers, and her eyes widen when she feels a tear trailing down her cheek. Wait, is she crying? Crying _for_ Ben?

_“Oh. Poor guy…”_ Nalini says, sighing sadly. 

“I feel so bad for him. He really worked hard, and… I know how important it was for him. I know how much it means to him, getting into Yale. Mainly because he thought it was his last resort to get attention from his parents.” 

It weirds Devi out, how sad she is for Ben. She’s so upset for him that it’s overpowering her happiness of achieving her one dream, and Devi has never been the type to care more about others to this extent. I mean, why does she care this much?

_“Is he miserable?”_

“He’s not showing it… he’s trying to be happy for me, but I know it’s a big deal to him. Ugh, I don’t even know why I care so much! He’s my friend, so of course I feel bad, but I feel like shit. I don’t even want to celebrate getting into Princeton anymore.”

_“You really think he’s still ‘just a friend’?”_ Her mother questions, and she can hear Kamala whispering something in the background.

“Yes? Why wouldn’t he be?” Devi answers, sounding unsure.

_“Devi, I hate to break it to you but,”_ Nalini pauses, and for a second Devi wonders whether the call has been cut off. _“This isn’t just friendship. You like him, kanna. I’m your mother. I gave birth to you. You’re basically a little me… you really think I can’t see through you?”_

The leash that holds all of her unwanted thoughts about Ben starts to break loose, and her mind starts spinning again. “That can’t be true… I can’t like him like that.” She panics, holding her head tightly with her hand. 

_“Kanna. You two are killing me.”_ Nalini answers, sounding frustrated. _“Then tell me why my daughter, who got into Princeton and therefore fulfilled one of her greatest dreams, is worried more for her friend?”_

Devi isn’t one to be super empathetic, even towards her own friends. She cares about all of them, and wouldn’t hesitate to try to cheer them up or haul ass to defend them, but her sadness for them doesn’t usually overpower her own happiness. And getting into Princeton is a _huge_ deal for Devi, it had been something she badly wanted since she stepped into high school for the first time. To think that Ben not making it into Yale is stopping her from celebrating her own feat… something is definitely wrong.

Now that she thinks about it, she remembers the ridiculous amount of times she’d compared her time with Paxton with her time with Ben, even when she first started dating him. Whenever she would be doing anything with Paxton even remotely similar to something she’d done with Ben, her mind would throw past memories at her, hurl them at her as she tried to dodge them feverishly. 

She’s spent the past two years trying to push those thoughts to the back of her head, ignoring them and letting them conglomerate until it eats up her entire brain. She knows that eventually, she will have to confront those thoughts, and that time is now. She can’t continue pretending like everything is fine, that her heart doesn’t skip a beat every time Ben smiles at her, that she doesn’t think about him whenever she closes her eyes, that she doesn’t feel a thrill in her body every time he touches her, and that she doesn’t enjoy spending time with him, or bickering with him.

Devi’s always been wondering why her mind is acting up like this, why she keeps on thinking about Ben this way. In this moment, with the added boost of her mother’s words, she realizes that she… she’s…

She’s in love with Ben Gross. 

She’s sure she never stopped loving him, ever since she kissed him in Malibu. It’s as if she’s solved an escape room she’s been stuck inside her whole life, and she can feel her entire body relax. 

“Oh god… I messed things up already. He doesn’t like me anymore.” She whispers, running a hand through her hair. 

_“He likes you! It’s obvious to everyone but you. The way he was looking at you when he dropped you off at our house the night of prom…”_

Devi smiles slightly, wishing she could have seen the way he was staring at her. It’s then that she becomes aware of the fact that she’s talking about possibly dating someone… with her _Mom_. “Wait, Mom, why are you so chill about this? You’re okay with me dating Ben?”

_“Well, firstly you’re an adult now. This isn't even your first relationship. Second of all, Ben is a good guy. I’ve known him since he was little, and Mohan always secretly loved talking to him. Also, he took care of you during sophomore year when I couldn’t be there for you,”_ Nalini sighs once again, before she finishes her sentence. _“So go tell him, Devi. Tell him before it’s too late. He deserves to know.”_

Determination runs through the course of her veins, and she nods. _“Good luck!”_ Kamala yells, before she hangs up the call. Devi takes a deep breath, and she looks at her reflection on her phone screen, tucking any loose strands of hair behind her ears, and making sure her lip balm isn’t looking too cakey. She pauses to admire the Model UN hoodie she's wearing, the one that Ben had given to her in his car months ago.

Once she’s sure she’s looking cute (even though her senioritis makes her look like she’s given up on life), she strides through the hallways, confidently walking in her dirty sneakers. Nothing can stop her now! She’s sure she can confidently confess to him, and she’s hopeful that Ben will reciprocate. Not even the fear of rejection plagues her, and with encouragement from her mother, she’s unstoppable-

Or not.

The first thing Devi sees when she steps into the cafeteria is Ben Gross laughing… with Kathy. 

Although she’s never talked to Kathy before, she wonders if she still has the guts to walk up to him and confess, with her standing right there, but seeing him with his ex-girlfriend admittedly sends an invisible punch to her pride. She frowns, clutching her phone in her hand a little too tight. He’s smiling, in the way that makes Devi’s heart flip, but someone else is making him smile that way. And that bothers Devi, _excruciatingly_ much.

Ben catches sight of her, and he turns to walk towards her, but Devi sticks her hand out, signaling for Ben to stop moving towards her. “Is something wrong?” He asks, and she scoffs, rolling her eyes. She rolls them so far back that she hopes her tears sink right back in.

“Nothing, Ben. I’m just stupid, that’s all.” She spits out, and then turns around to escape as fast as she can. Ignoring Ben calling her name repeatedly, all she can hear is the pounding of her heart. She's right, and her mother is wrong. Ben doesn’t like her anymore, and it’s her fault for letting him go in sophomore year, when she had the chance.

She runs to the back of the school, and opens the door- only to be greeted with heavy rain. Devi groans, but steps outside anyways, wincing at the harsh feeling of raindrops hitting her skin. Why was it raining in March? And why is it always raining whenever something in her life is happening related to Ben?

“Devi!” Ben yells, and she looks over her shoulder to see the boy in his hoodie and sweats, panting heavily. “Damn David, you run way too fast!” He remarks breathily, barely able to speak. Devi grumbles, not in the mood to hear his voice right now. “Leave me alone.” She deadpans, turning to face away from him. 

Devi hears Ben sigh behind her, and she bites her bottom lip, hard enough so that the pain will stop her from saying something she’ll regret. “No,” Ben says, exasperated. “Enough of this, Devi! I’m tired of you hugging me one second, and then running away from me the next. So no, Devi. I won’t _go away!_ ” He yells loudly, and it's clear he’s been feeling this for a while now.

She turns around, clenching her jaw. “I always run away for a reason!” She barks out, while Ben takes a step towards her. “No shit! But I’m tired of trying to guess _why_. Why do you run away from me, Devi? And we’re gonna start with this one first- why did you run away from me after Malibu?”

“Because I was scared! And confused.” Devi exclaims, flailing her hands in the air. 

“Why did you run away from me when I tried to drive you home?”

“Because I was… scared.”

“Why did you run away from me now? Why are you always running from me, Devi?”

“Because I'm hurt… and scared.”

Ben sighs, closing his eyes momentarily. His jaw clenches, and his face becomes increasingly red. Rain droplets slide down his face, and they make it hard for Devi to clearly make out his expression. “Notice one thing those all have in common? You’re scared. Scared of _me_.” He replies, and his voice breaks. His gaze is foggy when he looks at her, and she feels guilty under the burn of his eyes on her. Now she’s convinced that as well as hurting him, she’s made him angry as well, and the thought of Ben being genuinely angry at her (not playfully like usual) scares her even more. 

“I’m not scared of _you_ , idiot. I’m scared of messing things up between us! Because you’ve kind of always had a constant role in my life, and for the year and half you weren’t, I was miserable. Now that I have you back, I don’t wanna mess things up again and… _lose you_.” 

Ben freezes, and his angry expression softens. He takes another step towards her, and Devi can’t find it in herself to step back. “What are you trying to say, Devi? What do you want to say that you think could mess things up between us?” He asks, looking hopeful. Devi knows he’s curious, that he’s intelligently trying to prompt her to spill the beans, but she remembers how happy he looked with Kathy minutes ago, and thinks that it’s not worth it. Ben is happier with Kathy, and now she has to do what Ben had done for her when she liked Paxton- she has to let him go. 

“Nothing important, Ben. You’re back with Kathy anyways.” 

His jaw falls open, and he lets out a snort, which eventually turns into full blown laughter. Devi glares at him, wondering if this was his way of rubbing it in her face. “Me…? With Kathy?” He asks while chuckling, pointing to himself. Once he calms down, he walks closer to Devi. “No! She was congratulating me, because I got good news. You missed it when you went out to call your Mom.”

“...What?” She lets her walls fall down momentarily. Maybe she does have a chance with-

“And yes, she did ask me if we could get back together-”

“Of course!” Devi shouts, throwing her hands up into the air. “You know what? I’m very happy for you two. I really am. But I think I’ll kill myself if I keep this as a secret for any longer, and never tell you.”

Ben extends his hand out, confusedly staring at her. “No, Devi, listen-”

“No, Ben! I get it. You like her. You wanna be with her! Who wouldn’t? She’s nice, and smart, and patient. She likes everything you like. Why wouldn’t you like her? You deserve someone who doesn’t have a short fuse, who doesn’t deflect for a living, who doesn’t hurt others in the pursuit of trying to cope with her own problems.” Devi rants angrily, not paying attention to Ben, who’s now just listening to her words in awe.

“David, if you’d let me finish-”

“No! Let _me_ finish. For the past two years, ever since we did that stupid one week fling, you messed me up! The entire time I was dating Paxton, I’d always compare little things you and him did differently, and my mind wouldn’t stop bringing you up. For example, when Paxton would single knot my shoelaces, I would remember you double knotting them instead, and how much I liked that better. When Paxton didn’t like my theorizing, I’d remember how much fun _we_ had arguing over characters and analyzing them to the core. And although Paxton was a great boyfriend, his _girlfriend_ was too hungover from her time with _someone else_ that she started to expect too much from him!”

Ben tries to say something in between, but Devi doesn’t let him get the chance. “So yes, it does bother me seeing you with Kathy. It bothers me hearing you call me a friend. It bothers me when you do nice things for me and compliment me, acting like everything is normal for us!” She realizes she’s been screaming in the rain when her throat starts to get hoarse, so she stops talking. Devi heaves, trying to catch her breath.

The boy in front of her comes closer to her, and now that there isn’t much distance between them, Devi can see him clearly, even through the rain. He grabs onto the side of her arm, gently squeezing it. “Why does it bother you, Devi?” He questions, and she wants to ram her knee up his private parts for trying to put her on the spot. She pulls away from him, and walks further away, holding her head with her hands. 

“Why does it bother you, Devi?! Why does it bother you seeing me with Kathy? Why does it bother you when I say you’re my friend? Why?!” 

She tries to ignore whatever Ben’s frantically trying to demand of her, but it’s too much. She can’t keep avoiding this now. 

“For God’s sake, say something Devi!”

Devi whips around, wet hair slapping onto her neck as she braces for what might be either the worst or best moment of her life. 

“Because I love you!” She shrieks out, and the words escape her lips before she can take them back. Ben’s eyes widen, and he stands still, expression blank. 

“I’m in love with you, Ben Gross. I've loved you since you told me you stayed in Malibu, because you wanted to make sure I was okay. And I don’t think I ever stopped loving you since then!”

Devi’s starting to get nervous at his silence, and so she moves closer to him, looking him in the eyes bravely. Now, she doesn’t care whether he is about to reject her- she just wants to hear _something. Anything._

“...Say that again.” He whispers, and so Devi repeats for the third time, “I love you.”

Ben pinches the skin of his forearm, shaking his head with his eyes closed. He opens them again, and his gaze travels from her eyes to her lips, and back up to her eyes. “Say that again,” He begs, placing his hands on her waist. “I love you, Gross.” She declares, this time more confidently, with a small smile on her face. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I can let you go the same way you let me go. I’d be repaying the favor.” 

“Oh my god, this isn’t a dream…” Ben murmurs. For a second, Devi worries he’s about to cry, until he lets out a shaky laugh. “Y’know, for being the smartest girl I know, you’re very stupid when it comes to things like this.” 

She doesn’t have time to ask him to clarify what he means, because in a matter of seconds, his lips are on hers, and are demanding more and more from her with every movement. His mouth is wet against hers from the rain, and it feels refreshing. Devi reaches up for his neck (although she doesn’t have to reach too far), and he pulls her up by her waist on her tiptoes. 

He parts away, and stares blankly at her for a second, blinking rapidly as if he can’t believe this is actually happening. Devi giggles, overcome by a feeling of bliss, the same intoxicating feeling she felt while kissing Ben at Malibu two years ago.

“Oh my god,” Ben mumbles again, and immediately leans back in, this time pressing his lips against hers more gently, more tentatively. Devi responds immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck so that she can pull him in even closer, if it’s possible. His mouth is warm and wet and reminds her of summer, the caress of his lips softer than she remembers it being.

_What about Kathy?_

Devi pulls back, and Ben groans disappointedly. “You said Kathy asked you out,” She reminds him, but to her surprise, he doesn’t move away from her. “You didn’t let me finish, like always. I said _no._ ” He mutters, still looking at her lips. 

“You said… what?” Devi utters in shock, eyes widening.

“I said no. Because I love someone else,” He says, and he brushes his nose against hers. “I love you, Devi. I always have. Since third grade, maybe even before that.” He professes, moving to place a kiss on Devi’s cheek. She almost drops to her knees, melting at Ben’s words. 

“Ever since I met you in first grade, your fieriness and confidence was really... I just really liked it. You were the smartest person I'd seen, and you still are. And you were so pretty to five year old me in your little red outfit, god, _so_ pretty," He gushes, and Devi can't believe this is actually happening right now.

"Of course, we grew up hating each other, but I always liked arguing with you. I looked forward to it, and I never knew why. When I gave you my umbrella without thinking in third grade, I realized that I liked you more than I wanted to admit. And then I fell for you hard in seventh grade, when you showed up to my Bar Mitzvah with a damn _chocolate_ box and a birthday card. I tried to date Shira to get rid of my weird feelings for you, but it didn’t work. I never really came to terms with the fact that I loved you until you moved in during sophomore year...”

_“David! Wow, you actually came…”_

_“My Mom forced me to come. Don’t get all excited, Gross.”_

_“What’s this?”_

_“A box of chocolates… It’s something my family always does. We never show up empty handed.”_

_“Uh… thanks for bringing chocolates to my… bar mitzvah? You’re the first to do that.”_

_“What can I say? I’m a trendsetter.”_

_“What’s the other thing in your hand?”_

_“It’s nothing! Just a stupid birthday card. You know, formalities. Anyways, take these from my hands already! I want to munch on some good food. I can’t wait to hear your speech about becoming a ‘man’... although I doubt if you actually are one-”_

_“It’s my birthday! Be nice to me for one day?”_

_“Fine. But as soon as that clock hits 12, I’m going to make fun of your questionable shoes.”_

_“I can’t wait...”_

“Wait, so… you love me? You still love me?” Devi asks in awe, looking up at Ben with adoration in her eyes. “Yes, David! Now will you be my girlfriend? Like, for real this time?” He asks, a hint of doubt still laced in his voice, as if he’s afraid Devi’s going to run away from him like always.

She kisses him once again, and it’s all the assurance Ben needs. “Okay,” She whispers against his lips. “Wait, what was the good news you received when I was gone?” She asks curiously, and suddenly he has a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“I got into Princeton.” He reveals, and if things were like how they were years ago, Devi would have probably screamed in agony, thinking about the fact that she’d have to see Ben’s stupid face for many more years of her life, but now plenty of things have changed. Devi squeals happily, and she smashes her lips onto his yet again, the two dissolving into each other, making up for lost time. Now she doesn’t have to regret not being able to spend more of her high school days with Ben, because she has plenty of time in the future to stay by his side.

It’s a bit odd, thinking that someone she hated so much as a child could make her feel so good now, but Eleanor and Fabiola were right all along. They are the enemies to lovers trope personified, and she has no complaints about it. 

Devi knows she’s made the wrong decision plenty of times,

But this time she’s sure she’s never been so right.

**≿————- ❈ ————-≾**

Ever since she was young, Devi always dreamt of graduation; of walking up on stage in a Harry Potter type of robe, accepting her diploma, and her personal favorite part- everybody throwing their grad caps into the air. 

She’s always had her mind set on becoming valedictorian, but Ben got in the way of that. She worried more often than not about whether Ben would snag the title from her. But now, finally reaching the end of senior year, Devi and Ben stand at the podium hand in hand, speaking into the mic and reading off their paper _together_.

They make the room laugh, cry, and clap all in a matter of minutes, and the teachers gush over how good their speech was, better than all the valedictorians that came before them. It’s no surprise to anyone though, because they _are_ Devi and Ben. On their own, they’re powerful, but together, they’re a force not to be reckoned with. Mr. Shapiro clearly knew what he was doing when he recommended that the school should have _two_ valedictorians this year, in place of a salutatorian.

Later, when she’s standing next to Ben, Fabiola, and Eleanor, three people she loves very much, and they’re flinging their caps into the air together, watching the wind whisk them away, she feels extremely overjoyed. 

When they’re standing in rows, listening to Principal Grubbs’ send-off speech, Ben interlaces his fingers with Devi’s. She turns to look at him curiously. He has a proud smile on his face, and Devi gives him a peck on the cheek, hoping that it'll let him know how happy and proud she is of them at this moment. _Oh! The bet!_ Devi remembers.

“You lost the bet.” She whispers, smirking.

“What bet?” Ben asks quietly, leaning down so he can hear his girlfriend better. 

“In eighth grade, we made a bet about my love life. You bet that I would graduate single, and I said that you were wrong,” Devi murmurs into his ear, and Ben groans, catching onto where this is going. “Guess who was wrong?” She questions cheekily, hitting his shoulder with her's playfully.

“Oh my god! Okay, fine. I was wrong. Can't believe I did this to myself..." He mutters, shaking his head. "What do you want as your reward? Don’t propose anything crazy though. Your boyfriend is rich, but he likes to save.”

Devi throws an arm over Ben’s shoulder, moving her face close to his. “I want a kiss as my reward.” She remarks, and Ben pauses for a second, looking skeptical, before he leans in and closes the gap between them.

Once Ben’s soft lips are off hers, he furrows his eyebrows. “I know you too well, babe. That was way too cheesy and easy for me to do. You’d never ask for a reward like that.”

Devi grins, nodding. “Jackpot. Tonight, I want you to buy me a cheese pizza, with pepperoni, mushrooms, onions, broccoli, some black olives but more green olives, green peppers but diced, jalapeno-”

“Okay, calm down David. Tell me all the toppings you want once we actually _get_ to the pizza place. There’s no way I’m remembering all of that shit now!” 

She chuckles, and then rests her head against his shoulder. “What do you think younger Ben and Devi would say to us now if they could see us? Do you think they’d be proud of us?”

“Well, I think they’d be more shocked at the fact that we’re dating… but yes. I think they’d be very proud of us.” Ben replies earnestly. Devi brings her hand up to the necklace she’s wearing, the one that Ben had gifted her for her birthday. Her thumb sweeps over the smooth surface, and thinking about the pictures inside makes her even happier.

“Little David would be fuming about the fact that I’m going to Princeton with you.” Ben mutters, trying not to laugh. “Hey! I think young Gross would be mad about not getting into Yale.” Devi retorts defensively, lightly slapping his arm.

“I’m weirdly not mad about that. I can’t _wait_ to bother you at Princeton.”

“Oh god…” Devi groans, but she’s secretly looking forward to it. “I’m glad things worked out the way they did.”

“Me too.” Ben replies, and his eyes are bluer than ever as he looks at her lovingly. There's nothing that can possibly replace the warm feeling that arises when he looks at her, and _smiles_ at her like she's the most beautiful thing in the world. 

“Pst! Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Idiot? Can you guys not be cute for like, five seconds? I’m trying to hear what the principal has to say.” Fabiola whispers from where she's standing on the other side of Devi. The two awkwardly nod, and decide to shut up. At least for the next two minutes, if that’s even possible.

It’s a little weird for Devi, thinking about what her younger self expected this moment to look like. Freshman Devi fantasized about dating Paxton, her popularity soaring high, and her sadness over her father’s death completely eradicated. Current Devi is placed next to Ben, her popularity is average at best, and from time to time she still falls to the floor, heaving over the absence of Mohan in her life.

But Devi doesn’t have any complaints about how things ended up working out, because right now, she feels happier than ever, and that’s all that matters. What’s important is that she isn’t lost, or rethinking her choices. 

For the first time in a long time, Devi is sure, and that’s more than enough for her to know she’s finally made the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if ur reading this.... congrats! you've made it to the end. id appreciate if u could comment or give kudos if u enjoyed reading this! seeing nice reception makes my heart feel warm and ur comments make me smile :D i hope the ending was satisfying enough after all that slowburn and dense!devi i put you guys through. anyways, bye bye my fellow benvi warriors. until next time

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave kudos or a comment if u enjoyed this <3 i would love it very much, and so would ben and devi :)


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